Don't feel like doing anything anymore
just this morning, was gonna wash the car.... went around the estate but all occupied... went to clementi, found a space but with a sealed tap... but ah i can still twist the tap. so i did....
huge mistake.
5 minutes later, i managed to screw the tap back, not without drenching my entire self. feeling pissed and humiliated, i went home.
then in the afternoon i topped up some gas into the car, not much.... plus added some fuel additives, too much... in fact i poured the entire contents into the tank. now i've got a car which is sputtering like hell whenever i tried to floor the gas hard. nearly drove myself mad when the car temp. broke down in the middle of nowhere.
Why am i soooo stupid.... why....
later i've got evening duty. by all means please God, don't make me prowl for tonight's duty. i really had enough for the past 3 days, and i just found out that quite likely laura's into this close fren of hers... oops. of course i'm feeling really.... you know what. the past 10 months i've been trying to get acustomed to being single and seeing laura leading a care-free life with a bunch ppl around her... maybe now i'm used to all this, but when it comes to seeing her being real close to someone else eg. new BF, that's something i'm not prepared at all. and i don't know how to prepare myself for that. but one thing i can imagine, i can see myself going thru the whole sad state... all over again.
it makes me wonder sometimes, was it a good thing to have had her in my life? nah, can't think of that in such a way... the real question i think lies within myself, why can't i let go? comparing her last year and this year, she's changed a lot... but i'm still stuck to seeing her as the person she was a year ago. in a way, it looks like it's very unlikely that we get ever get together again, cos i'm pretty much the same old idiot pig. to be honest, i still don't know what i want in life... maybe it's someone who can take care of me? i sound like a wuss eh... like it or not, i might just be like that.
my best bud, Dick... well i haven't heard much from him for so long. tried asking him out but he always got plans already made somehow. supposed best bud, ya know. really, still $$$ rules the world, without it, you can't go out, thus can't meet frens to hang out or chill or the have fun. $$$ is the main prob in my life, mix with my inability to hold $$$, i'm like a total loser. if only someone out there who could believe in me.... that i can change for the better. obviously i can't do it alone, and somehow no one can see that....
had asked laura for lunch this tues, not confirmed. finally a chance to see her again, but now i'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. me, being careless with words and all, stumbling at almost anything.... some BAD is bound to happen somehow, and it's gonna make me regret deeply. but why, why do i still do it?
someone please, just talk to me.
huge mistake.
5 minutes later, i managed to screw the tap back, not without drenching my entire self. feeling pissed and humiliated, i went home.
then in the afternoon i topped up some gas into the car, not much.... plus added some fuel additives, too much... in fact i poured the entire contents into the tank. now i've got a car which is sputtering like hell whenever i tried to floor the gas hard. nearly drove myself mad when the car temp. broke down in the middle of nowhere.
Why am i soooo stupid.... why....
later i've got evening duty. by all means please God, don't make me prowl for tonight's duty. i really had enough for the past 3 days, and i just found out that quite likely laura's into this close fren of hers... oops. of course i'm feeling really.... you know what. the past 10 months i've been trying to get acustomed to being single and seeing laura leading a care-free life with a bunch ppl around her... maybe now i'm used to all this, but when it comes to seeing her being real close to someone else eg. new BF, that's something i'm not prepared at all. and i don't know how to prepare myself for that. but one thing i can imagine, i can see myself going thru the whole sad state... all over again.
it makes me wonder sometimes, was it a good thing to have had her in my life? nah, can't think of that in such a way... the real question i think lies within myself, why can't i let go? comparing her last year and this year, she's changed a lot... but i'm still stuck to seeing her as the person she was a year ago. in a way, it looks like it's very unlikely that we get ever get together again, cos i'm pretty much the same old idiot pig. to be honest, i still don't know what i want in life... maybe it's someone who can take care of me? i sound like a wuss eh... like it or not, i might just be like that.
my best bud, Dick... well i haven't heard much from him for so long. tried asking him out but he always got plans already made somehow. supposed best bud, ya know. really, still $$$ rules the world, without it, you can't go out, thus can't meet frens to hang out or chill or the have fun. $$$ is the main prob in my life, mix with my inability to hold $$$, i'm like a total loser. if only someone out there who could believe in me.... that i can change for the better. obviously i can't do it alone, and somehow no one can see that....
had asked laura for lunch this tues, not confirmed. finally a chance to see her again, but now i'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. me, being careless with words and all, stumbling at almost anything.... some BAD is bound to happen somehow, and it's gonna make me regret deeply. but why, why do i still do it?
someone please, just talk to me.
posted by Tommy at 3:16 PM
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