Leading a double life
Last night there was a party in the barrack, some of the guys are leaving the full time army life forever, free to roam the streets, away from the chains of goverment slavery. so, they came back to sleep over one last time with us guys and they bought loads of food... spring chickens, bee hoon, rojack, fried oyster omlette, fried carrot cake... whoa it was massive. it wasn't just the guys who usually sleep over that were there, there were also the juniors who had just came back from range too. it was rather late though... the food only came at about 11:30pm but, mmmm mmm. and it was free! :D
as you can see... there's usually always something while i'm in camp to talk about, but hardly mentioning anything about the outside life. one must b crazy to say that they rather stay in camp then stay at home... well i agree. but... i wish i could have this camp life applied to my mine in the outside world, where i can have such frens around. i am simply leading a double life; in camp most of the time i'm needed as the driver, once i step outside the camp i'm just a nobody. i can't say that this camp life of mine can take divert away my troubles, cos well... i still have thoughts whenever i'm alone. approaching the guys with the topic of my true self is just so... out of place. yeah we acn casually talk about the topic, but never go into depth about it. in my shift, none of us are attached except one, and he's kinda annoying us with his attention to his gf. he due time he's gonna experience what i've gone thru while in the army... where she'll just suddenly want to have a change.
while in camp i got things that i'm suppose to do and well, i'll do it. once outside you're free for just a while... but wait, i have no idea of what to do. aimless and lacking attention, free time is somehow becoming times of loneliness. i tried asking some to meet up for dinner, in the end not one could make it. there's this one who got work, this one with things to do with their house, this one with their own plans already made supposely long ago i guess... really is the world out here against me? i can't tell whether these so-called frens are really busy or just plain playing bluff just to avoid me... if this keeps up, i can really trust no one... and eventually maybe, can't trust myself too. sigh, have i offended anyone to desevere this? am i always that unlucky, catching people at the wrong time? and laura, are you still trying to avoid me? yes, till now i still have feeling for you... at least i don't stalk you or leave anoyomous messeges, let alone even messaged you... but i did visit you blog thought... often... sigh. but i am trying to do what you told me before, to leave you alone and staying out of your life. and yes, thank you for inviting me to the ctv party and the shirt you bought for me... i just want to return th favour to you, is that too much? urgh i don't know what i'm talking about... sigh i'm sorry....
*streams of tears*
as you can see... there's usually always something while i'm in camp to talk about, but hardly mentioning anything about the outside life. one must b crazy to say that they rather stay in camp then stay at home... well i agree. but... i wish i could have this camp life applied to my mine in the outside world, where i can have such frens around. i am simply leading a double life; in camp most of the time i'm needed as the driver, once i step outside the camp i'm just a nobody. i can't say that this camp life of mine can take divert away my troubles, cos well... i still have thoughts whenever i'm alone. approaching the guys with the topic of my true self is just so... out of place. yeah we acn casually talk about the topic, but never go into depth about it. in my shift, none of us are attached except one, and he's kinda annoying us with his attention to his gf. he due time he's gonna experience what i've gone thru while in the army... where she'll just suddenly want to have a change.
while in camp i got things that i'm suppose to do and well, i'll do it. once outside you're free for just a while... but wait, i have no idea of what to do. aimless and lacking attention, free time is somehow becoming times of loneliness. i tried asking some to meet up for dinner, in the end not one could make it. there's this one who got work, this one with things to do with their house, this one with their own plans already made supposely long ago i guess... really is the world out here against me? i can't tell whether these so-called frens are really busy or just plain playing bluff just to avoid me... if this keeps up, i can really trust no one... and eventually maybe, can't trust myself too. sigh, have i offended anyone to desevere this? am i always that unlucky, catching people at the wrong time? and laura, are you still trying to avoid me? yes, till now i still have feeling for you... at least i don't stalk you or leave anoyomous messeges, let alone even messaged you... but i did visit you blog thought... often... sigh. but i am trying to do what you told me before, to leave you alone and staying out of your life. and yes, thank you for inviting me to the ctv party and the shirt you bought for me... i just want to return th favour to you, is that too much? urgh i don't know what i'm talking about... sigh i'm sorry....
*streams of tears*
posted by Tommy at 6:34 PM
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