Pissed, spoilt day

I am pissed right now. so much that i just really had to let it out. today was supposedly a good day, it's my 2nd dismount and plans were set up for the evening till night. later in the evening i had thought i was gonna meet up with laura for dinner... turns out when i messaged just now, she told me she already made appointments as i didn't confirm with her about tonight, so she texted. last week i asked to meet up, she couldn't make it and suggested wed or today... and i said today cos yesterday i had duty... she said ok. then i went on to mention that i'll confirm with dick cos she mentioned that she wanted to see dick too. and now this. so, what have i done wrong? honestly, what?! is it wrong of me not to bug her about tonight within the last few days? it's so damn obvious that i mean nothing to her, really. fancy making appointments when she damn knows that i had intending to just simply meet her... i can imagine what reasons she can give me, the most prominment one would be that she's "just moving on".

well laura, if you're reading this (which i don't think you are... or ever), i'm really sorry that you had to read all these. but really, you told me yourself that you wanted us to still be friends... why am i not being treated as how ya treating to your current ones? i'm being driven to the point where i really don't know who you are anymore. despite all these, i'm foolish enough to still feel for you. i might just wish that i get into a serious accident and lose all my memory and start my life afresh... my life is already so troubled... of all ppl in the world, you had to be part of it.

she's not the only one ya know. Wenn too... just recently when i messaged her whether she would be free on monday, no reply. next day tried again, no reply. just yesterday she sent me a message on friendster saying that she in no mood to meet anyone as she just got her tooth extracted and now getting used to her dentures and that she can't speak properly. 2 weeks ago she told me, just tell her when i'm free and call her up. now this. is this pure bad luck? i'm just waiting for the 3rd attempt before i consider jumping off the window of my room. that 3rd attempt might just be tonight, as i and a bunch of my shift guys are going to chinablack tonight to crash at some nus party there. if all goes well, i'll be having a good time. if there are any, ANY last minute changes.... *silence*

last night did some prowling, but gave up total at around 3am. right now i'm freaking fucking tired... and pissed. My so-called friends... prrft