all over again

i was out the whole of yesterday, the morning half was just like the days before... but the rest of the day, a deep and heart felt talk to my best friend and we found out new things about each other. hmm couldn't write much now... i dunno maybe cos i'm feeling... renewed. last after basically i met my best friend Henedick and both of us talked my my break up with laura, discussing the possiblities of the causes and stuff... but in the process somehow we talked about ourseleves, why we are the type who selectively chose our friends and why we are like the anti-social types. can't write out the whole thing here, but i found out things about myself too... things that i don't even know or noticed until the topic came up and i looked back and realized why my life is like that. throughout the entire day, the thought laura kept surfacing every now and then, kept asking myself why. the night before i had talked to her on the phone, trying explained myself why i can't leave that feeling and move on... but somehow i couldn't tell her coz... i was confused and really was unsure why myself. when she mentioned her reasons it made it worse for me and i just kinda broke down all over again. after we hung up i called emmy, well can't exact say that she consoled me, but still i needed to talk to someone. she told me that now it's the best time to catch up with my friends... so after her i called dick. i really couldn't sleep the whole of last night... well actually did dozed off for a while i few times, but kept waking up at the thought of the whole thing. back to the afternoon yesterday, was with dick from afternoon... to evening.... to late night... past midnight... it was then that i realised that why i still wanted to be with laura is that, she left after saying her peace, but i didn't finish mine cos i was too confused of what i wanted to say. dick suggested that i meet her and talk it out. it was nearly 3am and we were still outside... had hanged out at mac at lido outside, was going to orchard plaza or arcade whatever i forgot that area to check out the wierdo shemales there but before we even got near there, we had encounter with one of them and that shocked the fuck out of us, especially dick. so we turned around and headed towards the other direction... then dick had to go back and i had to meet laura somehow...so took a cab, dropped me off at my place and i waited. laura was actually at some pasir panjang village and not going back anytime soon (was 3+am, gee), so went there. after getting lost for a while, reached there and laura and i talked. it felt good at first when i saw her, but when it came to talking about it, was hard for me man...i clarified my feelings, doubts and questions,... and i told her why i really wanted to be with her and that i'll do anything just to be with her... cos i felt that... hmm should i say this out here? nah it's personal... anyway so it ended with this: she'll still remain single and if i want to be back with her, i'd have to work my way up again. it felt really good that we're back to talking terms, those 5 days with talking to her was like horrible x3. so after that, went up to this place where she was hanging out and her bro and his frens were there, at this singing session pub thingy. at nearly 6am, went to have some super late supper, or breakfast rather at this cheese prata place... then went home. i sent laura to her door, said goodnight and good bye and hugged... it felt really comfortably.. good. mmm woke up the next afternoon without that dreaded feeling... to me it's like starting all over again, just like when it was 3 1/2 years ago...