Haunting dreams

just woke up from my afternoon nap... really felt the need to let out this. recently i've been having dreams, and in those dreams laura is always in there. for whatever reasons, i don't know. this one which i woke up from was set in this restuarant, at some function or party... i don't know why but i was at this table with this french family. to cut this real short, across the room i saw laura, in a glamorous dress with her usual frens. my mind was kept on her, i was somehow too shy to approach to her say to hi, yet was hoping that she would somehow see me. i was looking at her, being happy, clicking well with the ppl around her, busy looking at her best when actually with further thinking into it this she was simply just smiling. then i felt this, this incredible sense of... jealousy?! i could not explain why i felt this, let alone what caused this.... but i do know that in almost every dream i had that had her in it, somewhere in that dream i felt some jealousy.... and it's begining to bug me. i'm not potraiting her as some monster or baddie in anyway (how can i ever, sigh...), but all these simply brought my feeling down when i wake up from it, thus some answers to my grumpy moods i've been having recently. the new question now stands; why do i still have deep inside me??? am i into this way too deep, that i can never get out from it? one of the wacky solutions i came up with myself was that i find someone to replace her... but how can i find that someone who is as good as her?? *clutches head in pure agony*

later i'm serving my 3rd extra duty tonight, and it's only the 3rd. time these days passing by so slowly i see... *big exhale* heard word going around that master's going for another round of spotcheck/night baiting, this time to catch those low profile ppl, biggest eg., ME. pls don't let it be tonight, pls don't let it be tonight.... CNY coming around the corner, no shopping done as yet, my $$ already empty.... well, it's the usual "mid-month crisis" again. :S