sad to say, it's a another lonely day...
i'm feeling a little sober. yesh, i was drinking... a little just now. made some vodka with whatever soft drink i had in my house... still can't figure out why such stuff makes ppl high. all i feel is my face turns red, can literally hear and feel my heartbeat in my head... that's pretty much it.
last night's dinner was good, steamboat that made me soooo full... but later at night, was quite pissed off to find that our dog sect 2IC was there in camp to make sure that we don't do any stunt during the new year. bloody crap, had to do everything by right, thank god he didn't stay over... lazy fat pig coming here for f**k... next morning was supposedly done with washing and out of camp at around 8... but further delays caused everyone to only get out at around 10, which is like the time we usually go on a sunday morning. sheesh...
though its the new year today, never went visiting nor anyone visited us today... according to my mum tomorrow relatives from malaysia likely to drop by here. the morning started off well.... realt just like any other sunday, except my eldest bro came with her daughter, the now more-defiant-than-ever Clara. at noon i took a nap, then woken up by my mum to have lunch. later in the evening my parents went to marian promenade to see the new year thingys there.... while i was alseep. imagine waking up and finding no one at home... sigh. So, i washed up and drove to kent ridge park to take some paronamic view of the south sea.... then i forgot to bring the camera back up home from the car. from the park drove to orchard... wow lotta ppl walking around, in a place where 80% of the shops are closed. luckily, the cold storage at centrepoint was still open till 7, managed to get some drinks and food for myself. from there, the drive home and dinner in front of the tv.
actually, the reason why i was drinking just now was that... i'm really sick of living my life like this. i know if i wanna have a better life, i should do something about it but.... i don't have the moivation. there's no carrot in front of me to move... no one around who i can talk to comfortably and openly.... all the while i was always hoping for something good to happen my way.... saying to myself that my life can't be that bad always... you know, seeing couples out there sometimes ticks me off. i just felt that way.... yeah maybe i'm jealous of them, thinking how lucky they are... then i would try to console myself by saying that they'll never last and stuff like that...
just don't feel alive anymore.
last night's dinner was good, steamboat that made me soooo full... but later at night, was quite pissed off to find that our dog sect 2IC was there in camp to make sure that we don't do any stunt during the new year. bloody crap, had to do everything by right, thank god he didn't stay over... lazy fat pig coming here for f**k... next morning was supposedly done with washing and out of camp at around 8... but further delays caused everyone to only get out at around 10, which is like the time we usually go on a sunday morning. sheesh...
though its the new year today, never went visiting nor anyone visited us today... according to my mum tomorrow relatives from malaysia likely to drop by here. the morning started off well.... realt just like any other sunday, except my eldest bro came with her daughter, the now more-defiant-than-ever Clara. at noon i took a nap, then woken up by my mum to have lunch. later in the evening my parents went to marian promenade to see the new year thingys there.... while i was alseep. imagine waking up and finding no one at home... sigh. So, i washed up and drove to kent ridge park to take some paronamic view of the south sea.... then i forgot to bring the camera back up home from the car. from the park drove to orchard... wow lotta ppl walking around, in a place where 80% of the shops are closed. luckily, the cold storage at centrepoint was still open till 7, managed to get some drinks and food for myself. from there, the drive home and dinner in front of the tv.
actually, the reason why i was drinking just now was that... i'm really sick of living my life like this. i know if i wanna have a better life, i should do something about it but.... i don't have the moivation. there's no carrot in front of me to move... no one around who i can talk to comfortably and openly.... all the while i was always hoping for something good to happen my way.... saying to myself that my life can't be that bad always... you know, seeing couples out there sometimes ticks me off. i just felt that way.... yeah maybe i'm jealous of them, thinking how lucky they are... then i would try to console myself by saying that they'll never last and stuff like that...
just don't feel alive anymore.
posted by Tommy at 10:31 PM
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