What's with me???
In the morning I was at class, happily chatting on MSN and then... I said something real stupid. My emotions had taken the better of me at that moment when i said it. She was cheesed, pissed and obviously apparently, very upset.
Yes, it has happened again. Shot myself in the foot.... this time probably with a bigger gun with the trigger painted bright red and a sign saying, "DON'T PULL".
Why am I like this?! i ask myself. I certainly don't enjoy it, especially the results of it. I never meant to cause so much upset, I don't get a kick out of hurting other peoples' feelings intentionally. But why do i do it? The real answer lies within and, this the great part, I don't even know it myself. Ignorance built inside? An invisible growing sense of selfishness growing within me? Oh gosh.. if only someone or something or whatever can just tell me what the **** is wrong with me. I thought i could just brush this aside, tell myself it's just a setback, a slip of tongue or perhaps mind, don't ever repeat it again.... but no. This is much much much more serious than anything. I feel that i can't really face people anymore just being myself.... if i were to be myself, this is what happens.
Right after the bomb that i dropped onto myself, i was quite dazed. one of my classmates had asked me something and i was like simply... answering in short. The weight of this matter was so heavy that... i just couldn't describe. I had lunch at school... but once i was done eating, I left. I simply can't concentrate on anything else other than the sh*t that came out of me. I thought i had to do something, and i did.... i couldn't let it go just like that and do nothing. That guilty conscious was too strong...
Now I'm at home, wondering was it a good idea to do that in the first place. She replied, still pissed i can sense.
Sigh.
Yes, it has happened again. Shot myself in the foot.... this time probably with a bigger gun with the trigger painted bright red and a sign saying, "DON'T PULL".
Why am I like this?! i ask myself. I certainly don't enjoy it, especially the results of it. I never meant to cause so much upset, I don't get a kick out of hurting other peoples' feelings intentionally. But why do i do it? The real answer lies within and, this the great part, I don't even know it myself. Ignorance built inside? An invisible growing sense of selfishness growing within me? Oh gosh.. if only someone or something or whatever can just tell me what the **** is wrong with me. I thought i could just brush this aside, tell myself it's just a setback, a slip of tongue or perhaps mind, don't ever repeat it again.... but no. This is much much much more serious than anything. I feel that i can't really face people anymore just being myself.... if i were to be myself, this is what happens.
Right after the bomb that i dropped onto myself, i was quite dazed. one of my classmates had asked me something and i was like simply... answering in short. The weight of this matter was so heavy that... i just couldn't describe. I had lunch at school... but once i was done eating, I left. I simply can't concentrate on anything else other than the sh*t that came out of me. I thought i had to do something, and i did.... i couldn't let it go just like that and do nothing. That guilty conscious was too strong...
Now I'm at home, wondering was it a good idea to do that in the first place. She replied, still pissed i can sense.
Sigh.
posted by Tommy at 3:29 PM
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