When thoughts alone no longer counts...
The time has come again to really re-think who I am. I may have told many that I'm still pretty much the same for the past few months, but in reality I had gone through ups and downs silently. Came to know a few new people as well and... it's always the case of they capture your attention first and it looked interesting, but as time goes by and we came to know more about each other, the more we reveal who we really are. Some would say that this is the period of test, to see that person is truly worthy of being a good friend, or vice versa. Most of them are just worthy of just keeping in touch and no more than that.....
I thought that all the while I've been good to others, or maybe too good to my close ones... until recently I was made, on my own, to question myself, on how I treat them. At this point of life I'm still very much at a disadvantage compare to other guys who are earning... well better salary and well... to put it loosely, own "better things", and also because of the group of people that I just somehow prefer to hang out with, doesn't really help. Seriously, if I had my own car, it's not that it'll make me more popular... but to me, nothing makes me feel better than being able to be there for someone. Just only a couple days ago, I was at work and she just came out of op. I called to see how it went and how's she doing. After hearing I really wanted to just fly over there and pick her up, but I was limited of my means and I offered the best and honest alternative that i can do.... and it was just wasn't enough. I really don't blame her, knowing her well..... but my intentions was I dun wanna her to wait that long for me, I know she doesn't like that. I couldn't leave my work too cos of my bosses were not around I'm suppose to look after the place.
And this wasn't the only occassion.
We talked about going to KL on Dec... and a few occassions too.... but because of some $ problems I have, sigh. All these really made me feel... lousy ya know. I can only say that I'm really fortunate to have met her and still have her as a good friend... though at times I really wish I could take up a step further. Dammit if I were more well off I'd go all out for her. Hardly can I find someone who I can get along so well despite the differences we have... and after seeing some of the people I've been through, really makes me appreciate her more. Things that I'm not so likely to tell her... hmm.
It's not gonna be a smooth year end for me, I can only look forward to 2009, that's when my apprenticeship finally ends and I'll starting going through a true working life. Very likely that I'll stay with Rolls-Royce, since I'm the type who stubbornly wouldn't budge when I found my comfort zone.
I thought that all the while I've been good to others, or maybe too good to my close ones... until recently I was made, on my own, to question myself, on how I treat them. At this point of life I'm still very much at a disadvantage compare to other guys who are earning... well better salary and well... to put it loosely, own "better things", and also because of the group of people that I just somehow prefer to hang out with, doesn't really help. Seriously, if I had my own car, it's not that it'll make me more popular... but to me, nothing makes me feel better than being able to be there for someone. Just only a couple days ago, I was at work and she just came out of op. I called to see how it went and how's she doing. After hearing I really wanted to just fly over there and pick her up, but I was limited of my means and I offered the best and honest alternative that i can do.... and it was just wasn't enough. I really don't blame her, knowing her well..... but my intentions was I dun wanna her to wait that long for me, I know she doesn't like that. I couldn't leave my work too cos of my bosses were not around I'm suppose to look after the place.
And this wasn't the only occassion.
We talked about going to KL on Dec... and a few occassions too.... but because of some $ problems I have, sigh. All these really made me feel... lousy ya know. I can only say that I'm really fortunate to have met her and still have her as a good friend... though at times I really wish I could take up a step further. Dammit if I were more well off I'd go all out for her. Hardly can I find someone who I can get along so well despite the differences we have... and after seeing some of the people I've been through, really makes me appreciate her more. Things that I'm not so likely to tell her... hmm.
It's not gonna be a smooth year end for me, I can only look forward to 2009, that's when my apprenticeship finally ends and I'll starting going through a true working life. Very likely that I'll stay with Rolls-Royce, since I'm the type who stubbornly wouldn't budge when I found my comfort zone.
posted by Tommy at 11:50 AM
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