Always trying, never appreciated

mmm, didn't spend much time doing anything else other than sleeping the entire afternoon, was quite tired out from last night's duty... even though i sneaked back to dog sect. to retire early. :p i did the pulling back of the guys in the wee hours, that was about 4plus... and even though i pulled back the guys so early, i the end we left there at 10am. that is way too late, normally we would've been long gone at about 9plus. so, i reached home at about 1pm and almost went to sleep immediately...
while on duty last night, i was just checkin on my msn on my phone and saw laura's nick there... "Down". It was christmas night and i was wondering how could she be feeling down when she supposed went out with her frens? well i assumed that she was feeling down, so i had to ask to she how's she doing. No reply. her status was set at busy, but there were times where it changed to online... well either she did get my message and just didn't respond or or didn't get her message thru my phone. feeling a tad fed up, i sent her another message saying i probably caught her at a bad time and i went off.
next day when i got home and on to my computer, went to her blog site and aww... her fren's baby look so darn cute... she looked like she did had a good time... then later she mentioned that meeting up with those ppl were the only thing that lit up her day. :|
it's time like these when i see her feeling low or down, i feel so compiled to go up to her and say that hey, i can be your company. obviously looking back at the past attempts to even strike a disired longer conversation which never turned out to last more that a minute... the probable outcoming would i think turn out as no change. those words that she had told me in the past, that i gotta give her the space and stuff... kept haunting me and always holding me back. i said to myself that it's probably better, everytime i tried to make a move, i get the cold shoulder. whatever happened to "me still as a friend to her"? she's not even treating one, i'm now more of a hi-bye aquaintance. i just afraid of confronting the past again, cos it never turns out good. why keep pushing when things are never changing... why do i keep having thoughts about her in the first place... :(
New year's around the corner, no idea how i'm gonna celebrate... not even sure whether i'm gonna celebrate it in the first place. i can see this coming... welcoming the new year alone, alone and yes, alone.... while everyone having fun fun fun... sigh.

"I'm always trying to be there for you, friend or not... but you just never gave me the chance."