"...I have enough of you"
Those were the last words I saw before she disappear from the screen. "What have I done?" After reading a barrage of messages flashing almost non-stop, I came to realise how I awful I was in the eyes of her. I can't explain myself, I have no reason or right to explain at all. She was right with the facts, and I stared with disbelief at myself.
Since the first time it happened late last year, I told myself that I will not make the same mistake. I was given the opportunity this time round to redeem myself but somehow, yet I failed again. I couldn't visit her as I was really tired from working late the night before, and since I had work again the following night, the only time available was the weekend... but to her, it was way to late.
To be honest, I get jealous whenever she mentions about that UK guy, especially when he is actually flying over here just to see her. It was purely unintentional of me to say "do you care?", as I had misinterpreted her response when he was already in Malaysia. I didn't know that I was being utterly rude to say that until she responded to what I had said... but again, it was a case of me not thinking before saying. I really regretted saying that and tried to apologize, but the damage was done.
Call me silly, but I've always been afraid of losing her. I don't think I mentioned this to her but, to me she is my closest friend I've got at this point of life. I see her as someone who I can be comfortable at being myself and be open to anything.... something I don't share that with anyone else. I was attracted to her in the beginning and... I still do even now. But now it seems that, it's me being myself that is causing all the trouble between us. I never really had anything against her, partly because I always mainly focus of the plus sides of friends around me, and she scored the highest in my book. I had always thought that I've been trying my best to be a buddy to her, making time, helping out with little things here and there....
...apparently it's not enough to outshine the flaws in me.
I can only ask for forgiveness and be given another chance, for I am determined to get it right. I promise not talk bad about any of your friends and respect and value the friends that you choose. I realise my mistake, it's not only about what I did, it is also what I didn't do.
I am so truly sorry.
Since the first time it happened late last year, I told myself that I will not make the same mistake. I was given the opportunity this time round to redeem myself but somehow, yet I failed again. I couldn't visit her as I was really tired from working late the night before, and since I had work again the following night, the only time available was the weekend... but to her, it was way to late.
To be honest, I get jealous whenever she mentions about that UK guy, especially when he is actually flying over here just to see her. It was purely unintentional of me to say "do you care?", as I had misinterpreted her response when he was already in Malaysia. I didn't know that I was being utterly rude to say that until she responded to what I had said... but again, it was a case of me not thinking before saying. I really regretted saying that and tried to apologize, but the damage was done.
Call me silly, but I've always been afraid of losing her. I don't think I mentioned this to her but, to me she is my closest friend I've got at this point of life. I see her as someone who I can be comfortable at being myself and be open to anything.... something I don't share that with anyone else. I was attracted to her in the beginning and... I still do even now. But now it seems that, it's me being myself that is causing all the trouble between us. I never really had anything against her, partly because I always mainly focus of the plus sides of friends around me, and she scored the highest in my book. I had always thought that I've been trying my best to be a buddy to her, making time, helping out with little things here and there....
...apparently it's not enough to outshine the flaws in me.
I can only ask for forgiveness and be given another chance, for I am determined to get it right. I promise not talk bad about any of your friends and respect and value the friends that you choose. I realise my mistake, it's not only about what I did, it is also what I didn't do.
I am so truly sorry.
posted by Tommy at 1:07 PM
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