Am I falling back once again?

Oh geez i hope not and i don't want to... but these days, i've been feeling rather... dull. and almost every night, i'd always have this moody feeling all over me. I would feel sleepy and tired from not having afternoon naps and stuff... but yet i can't fall asleep. And when i tired to do things that would normally cause me to go bored till zzz.... end up feeling much more awake. too be honest here... i do have thoughts of.... no not hanging or whatever shit "PUI!" touchwood!... i had thoughts of seeking external help in coping my this rather demoralizing behaviour. You know, it's like... you know what you're doing is wrong, you are aware of it... but your mind just simply overpowers your thoughts you unknowning submit yourself to the voices in your mind. it's like... some natural instinct...dig? when one is not happy or anything equal to that... usually one would just do something to counter that feeling by doing something else. for my case, it's pretty erm... ya unorthadox. what's actually going on in my mind is really too complicated to explain... and actually there is another erm how do you say this... "behaviour" i call it.. which is a result from having such mmm... moods. I'll eat. Pretty common for people to just simply devaour whatever that's delicious and yummy to take away the negativity in the mind. Same goes for me. one of the reasons that i've grown much much fatter is that i've been eating quite a bit over the past year... Literally, i'd just eat whatever's available at anytime of the day... especially late nights. for my case, it was like instinct... upset or sad, eat. :(
another issue regarding myself is about friends. people have been telling me go out and makes frens but... being the way i am, easier said than done really applies a lot in this. what i need most is having people's support... and having them to be there when i really need them. The sad case for me is that.. i don't have that many friends... whom i can really trust. Sigh... look at me, i'm suppose to be a better man after NS... i just can't say anymore. Someone please help me! and i'm not trying to gain ampathy or whatever.... i really do need help.

urgh... i wanna be free from all these....