there has always been such a big gap between my entries recently... pre-occupied with work and answering my curiousity with cable tv.... the thought of actually blogging just doesnt really occur to me much as it used to. Whenever i blog, it's usually after something, an event or incident had happened. And usually it's not always happy. Usually this is a place where i pour my thoughts out... when others are not there for me.
Yeah, you can say, based on what i had just said, my life has pretty much been ok. As usual, i still learn new stuff each day... now i can change tires and do a oil change just like the rest of the guys there. Got some events coming, some cleaning up to do so the past week did overtime throughout... took the car most of the time. Yesterday wanted to go skating, couldn't find anyone to tag along with me... but i was fine going alone... until it rained in the afternoon, then my back began to feel a little stiff and my bro wanted to use the car. I just stayed at home and napped through till the sun went down. today went out to town, been a while since i walked around there. did a little shopping on my own and stuff. Being out alone is sometimes good...
... but i miss being out with ppl as well.
I really, really dun understand why... almost everyone i sms, no one replies! no kidding. that really pulled me down a lot, making me wonder why.... why? aside from myself, i just can't think of any other reasons. busy? you could at least send a reply, even if its a few hours late. but no! nothing at all. it... it just pisses me off. i just so feel like i wanna.... move off to somewhere else and start a new social life... but keep a few close ones with me. i know i messed up (big time) when it comes to TRYING to so-called "keeping in touch with ppl".... all i feel now is frustration. Pure let-down.
And to make matters worse (for myself), i was just reading someone's blog... i had intend to send flowers to her one day.... as a little (and probably queer) surprise, apparently someone else beat me to it. Why did i hesitate? Why...?! argh dammit, will that guy make the move and put an end to my misery? She is happy and i'm happy for her... but i'm also dying to make my own life a little better for myself too... dun understand? dun bother.
wow... i don't know about how others see this, but i'm already feeling a lil better already. For me it does help to let out whatever's bothering the crap inside me, to anyone who's willing to put up with me (which as of now, no one except stef... you are the ONE :D) or even here... where no one actually reads this blog! No shit... other than the occasional one or 2 who would randomly click on my blog when it appears on the most recently updated blog list once i'm done with my entry... even when i actually put my blog address right beside my MSN name which i believe is so darn very visible (and as of now, i'm doing it so)... it just has this strange invisible repelling force that will cause your mind to say,"Hey, this blog is not worth reading it blahblahblah..." Then why the freakendale do i blog in the first place, cause 1) i wanna write out what i feeeel. and 2) i want it to be KNOWN, so that you can critize it in any way, let me know, via comments, email, bitchin' or carefully but aggresively texted sms or msn message.... so that i can have FEEDBACK so that i can see who i really am to you people...
For now, i'm just gonna wait to watch Who's Line on tv later, sleep and look forward to another week at work.
It's not that i'm changing. I am just living as what i believe is my true self.
