AH screw blogging for this period

yeah... cos i'm pretty content with life these days... care-free, relax, no stress, own-time-own-target... strange but true. Yeah i'm still missing someone, but nowadays i've been adapting this "i don't care" kinda attitude... it doesn't matter what people think or say about me. I am who i am, i was born to be shy, soft-spoken, "stupid" and slow... that's the real me! In fact, i should be fortunate to had someone who actually loved me for who i am (actually i think it was more of the humour and creativity side of me, well i'm that too lol), so to those people who think that no one looks up to me or whatever crap... be it that way. as long as i'm comfortable with what i have, nothing matters.

i think.

Mmm... not today

Wanted to put in an entry today but... i'm really sleepy and tired. This is what happens when your biological clock always wakes you up at 8:30 in the morning no matter what time you sleep and you didn't take an afternoon snooze. Oh well, tomorrow then. Zzz...

cbjkrfy23ghl3gy3gnklgrhg

Ignore the title. For today, some answer were finally answered. According to the industry officer who finally called me, right now there aren't enough ppl to start the course and would be "not cost effective" to start. They're just short of 5 more ppl. Interested in automotive technology? PLS JOIN. NOW. He said that they're just gonna wait till end of the week then they'll decide what to do, either i have wait till next Jan which is like OMFG... or start anyway which I VERY HOPE SO. He also told me that he may be able to help find another company where i can work first... prolly bullshit just to make me happy.

On the other hand, i also called the Hyundai company and he said to wait till end of the month then the decision would be made. Abiding to company policy he can't take me in now... so i'm free much like.... still waiting for news. At least i know what's going on... now i think find some part time.

Oh yes, the NSman posting. Really man, why on earth would THE Air Force post someone living on the west side to a camp which is at the far east of the island? That's probably some classified information, but still, this shows that this military govt. is very very.... fucked up. After making some calls, i was told to send a copy of the letter back to my base for them to verify it and send me a new In-camp training form thingy for next year. Initial i was really really shocked, thought it was the idea of the black mofos at dog platoon... and well i was mistaken... and the thought of not seeing Noby and Antis ever is... very upsetting. You know me, once i'm comfortable or used to something, i don't really wanna deviate from it. Man, even thought i have already done with army, they still had to bother me. WHY AH?! right now i've calmed down a lot... at least i'm just going there for 3 weeks once a year... not all bad right? hey maybe they'll assign me as the driver only :)

Again i planted my bum at home today, so nothing fantastic or fabulous to talk about. Watched the movie Mr & Mrs Smith which i d/led recently, hahaha it's a pretty funny show! Like the way Brad kicked Angelina repeated in one scene and he gets punched in the nuts and falls lol. Oh ya, i was mistaken about the launch of that Initial D movie, opens TOMORROW... but i've got no one to watch with so... most prolly it's another bum-at-home time.

btw just had a whiskey drink, boy actually i think it sucks... wonder why the hell did i buy a bottle in the first place. bleah. this is just a personal thought.

Finally... well actually i've got nothing to write anymore lol... my net access is still slow.... got me really frustrated during various times of the day. Ciao!

A brief entry for the day

mailbox got tampered, again
still unable to reach that bloody industry officer
no suitable p/t job in the papers
receieved this letter that i'm posted to CHANGI for reservist >:(
jumpy internet connection
arcade with friend
internet connection dead slow at night
unable to reach friend on the phone
still pretty baffled, surprised and upset... not to mention pissed about the posting

What a day huh. I'm just so tired and sleepy right now, hence the brief events. Plus the net connection throughout the day was jumpy and now dead slow, which really puts me off. when i'm a better mood i'll explain about this... bloody new posting i recieved. Sigh. Zzz...

Leave me alone!

Sigh... even though i've already left the army, somehow the ppl are still buggin' me. This time it's about the damage to the dog van and to cut the long story real short, i don't wanna my future reservist days to be in hell and so therefore i'm forking out 50 damn bucks in "contribution" to the cost of the repairs. Just like dogs, when they mark you, they'll probably mark you for life. this applies to the HARD-HEADED, ARROGANT AND SHAMELESSLY PROUD INDIAN boss. I heard he even made up stories to the guys in camp about me. *shakes head*

Yes, this morning i tried to contact the bloody industry officer in charge, but somehow i think he was on leave or something cos i tried call him like a gazillion times this morning and no answer. Ended up i got the service operator to leave an email message to him. Will continue try to bombard his phone line again tomorrow.

Other than that, today i just stay entirely at home, doing some full-time bumming in front of my computer. Oh and the movie Initial D i believe opens today, wonder should i go watch with the guys or with stef... or watch twice :D Mmm... i think i'm gonna continue bumming at home tomorrow. Some PLEASE... yell, shout, scream, roar, f**k whatever... tell me to do something else. lol

What's new?

Mmm.... nothing much i guess. Past few days haven't seen much of anything happening, except over the weekend went to meet a new friend, a "rebel" haha... interesting character. Btw we watched Batman Begins on that day, a bloody 2 hours and 20mins film but whoa, it's a pretty damn good movie i'd say.

I'm beginning to worry about the traineeship course, still so far no word from them. i know i was suppose to call them a fews earlier, it kept going in my to-do list. Maybe i should try to paste a big note up on the ceiling directly above my bed so when i wake up in the morning, ta-da. About the job search, i kinda need to have the traineeship course started before i can find a flexible part-time as i intend to do it on a long-term basis. $ getting real low + time runnning out = not good.

this afternoon went to the Raffles Town Club for lunch, Father's Day thingy. Man i lurve the international buffet stuff there, and they had *slurp* smoked salmon!!! i think i eat about $20 worth of it, or maybe more... every trip i made to the buffet table, i just gotta have some salmon on my plate. Lunch was indeed wonderful. :)

Mmm more on a personal note now, i'm beginnning to interact more with people, planned to meet up with a few friends over the week and stuff... but it's been quite a while since i talk or hang out with 'her'. Is this suppose to be good? Wonder what's she been up to, other than busy with her new 'business thingy' she's been working on with her poly friends. Still, she runs through my mind everyday, without fail. Wonder what does it take for me to see things in a different perspective... you know, like trying to look things on the bright side stuff? Hmm.

Oh yes, a storm brews in the midst of the night outside right now, all over a sudden i think of the times when i was on duty with my dog and it was raining heavily... and i would be under the little shelther and my dog close beside me... now i kinda miss Antis and Noby. :(

Baby Nicole does a magic trick

Now you see her face...


... now you don't!


Boo!

BORING!!!!!

So far... time has gone really really slow. gues what, till now I STILL HAVEN'T GOT BACK MY DAMN PINK IC! All because the CO wasn't around. tried getting to him the past 2 times but he was only available in the afternoon... which i didn't wanna stay till so long. Later i'm going there at around noon, that motherf**ker better be around.

At the same time, i still haven't found a job and i still haven't heard about when's the start of the course. It was claimed on the result saying that someone from ITE will give me a call soon... it's been almost a week now. Should i call them? hmmm...

Not that i wanna aim at someone, but i was supposed to have lunch with someone sometime this week. First, she said she had to put it off to the next day coz she had to cook for her bro... then later that night tells me that she's broke and can only do lunch when she's got the $. I mean, this is so crap. she's been bumming and slacking for like what 3 months, not finding work coz she's "too Lazy" and just when i thought we could catch up on lunch, she goes broke. Whether her reasons are genuine or not, to me this is total crap. No $ to do lunch? why don't you tell me EARLIER? It's either you save up for that or politely tell the person IN ADVANCED that you can't make it. I hate being stucked up. Grr.

Last evening i did some minor mod to my computer casing, drilled some vent holes in the front for the fans to breathe in better. Now the inside temperature has gone down by 2 degrees! However the system still hangs with i'm doing games sometimes, and it's really bugging me quite a me. Plus the burner's a little fucked, i dunno why but i just can't burn stuff, that bloody blue screens keeps popping up and i've already wasted like 5 blank discs all because of this. $#%*!$!&$!!!!!

Now, wonder what i'm gonna do later in the afternoon? Ask someone out? go walk around? or go home? This whole week has gone reeeally really slow... as what was written on someone's MSN Messenger, "Life's boring now... i need a surprise.. a pleasant one..." LOL... but true indeed.

Jaws anyone? 

First taste of freedom

Now i'm offically past my ord date, yeah i'm pretty much a free man now. Just need to finish up with my clearance and wee! Get back my pink IC.

Last friday wasn't much of an event, only thing was that i did a last outbase trip to Paya Lebar Airbase to transfer a dog there. freaky traffic, fugging hot weather! At night was a little more exciting. Went to dbl o with 3 of my camp guys for some drinking session.... whoa we ordered like this package which consist of 15 bottles of Bacardis and 3 jugs of Lychee Martinis. The guys were having fun trying to hook up with some girls... which were not my type.... while i just enjoyed the party atmosphere around. Boozed up and dancing like crazy... never been better.

Next day went to bugis to buy this pair of shoes that i came across earlier.

My new Puma shoes. Nice? Of course! Comfy too! :D 

yeah it ain't real stuff, but does look like one huh? 36bucks, what a steal. :)

Just today i found out that my eldest bro have a new car since last week.

My bro's new Toyota Altis. Proven fact: Korean cars NEVER LAST. Now i'm beginning to regret a little about working in that hyundai company... 

Yeah, his old Kia was giving quite a lot of problems, electrics, vibrations, speedo going crazy... Thought he would go for something a little more sportier, like the Vios or something. Mmm... come to think of it, the Caddy's starting to give problems too... and i do want to own a ride of my prefered choice... hmmm...

Anyway, very very free these days, so far no words on when i'm starting work... gonna try to find a suitable part time job. meanwhile.... just chillin' and slackin'...

O R D ! ! ! ! ! !

FINALLY, DA DAY.. HAS COME... THAT I AM FINALLY THROUGH... WITH....

NATIONAL SERVICE ! ! ! !

Now i just have to go back to camp again on monday to finish up my clearance and get my pink IC :D

A little lighter today

mmmm... tomorrow its gonna be mah last working day at Tengah Air Base... as a Dog Handler. I didn't go back to camp to stay overnight due to... some reason... oh beside, i had to go back to camp at night.

this morning my mood was somewhat better... guess all that venting on my blog made me feel better. today i discovered a new online game... well it wasn't THAT new cos it was launched here 7 months back... but th game's local, runs smooth on my computer and it's cheap to play! Brings me back to the old days of counterstrike... where i'd play for hours straight... (and thus dropping out of poly :D) just a while ago i was playing for about 4 hours straight... now my eyes hurt a little and feelin' a little strained... think it's a good time to hit the bed :)

Yepyep.... looks like i'm gonna start working pretty soon :o) 

Am I falling back once again?

Oh geez i hope not and i don't want to... but these days, i've been feeling rather... dull. and almost every night, i'd always have this moody feeling all over me. I would feel sleepy and tired from not having afternoon naps and stuff... but yet i can't fall asleep. And when i tired to do things that would normally cause me to go bored till zzz.... end up feeling much more awake. too be honest here... i do have thoughts of.... no not hanging or whatever shit "PUI!" touchwood!... i had thoughts of seeking external help in coping my this rather demoralizing behaviour. You know, it's like... you know what you're doing is wrong, you are aware of it... but your mind just simply overpowers your thoughts you unknowning submit yourself to the voices in your mind. it's like... some natural instinct...dig? when one is not happy or anything equal to that... usually one would just do something to counter that feeling by doing something else. for my case, it's pretty erm... ya unorthadox. what's actually going on in my mind is really too complicated to explain... and actually there is another erm how do you say this... "behaviour" i call it.. which is a result from having such mmm... moods. I'll eat. Pretty common for people to just simply devaour whatever that's delicious and yummy to take away the negativity in the mind. Same goes for me. one of the reasons that i've grown much much fatter is that i've been eating quite a bit over the past year... Literally, i'd just eat whatever's available at anytime of the day... especially late nights. for my case, it was like instinct... upset or sad, eat. :(
another issue regarding myself is about friends. people have been telling me go out and makes frens but... being the way i am, easier said than done really applies a lot in this. what i need most is having people's support... and having them to be there when i really need them. The sad case for me is that.. i don't have that many friends... whom i can really trust. Sigh... look at me, i'm suppose to be a better man after NS... i just can't say anymore. Someone please help me! and i'm not trying to gain ampathy or whatever.... i really do need help.

urgh... i wanna be free from all these....

Eyes half closed

right now i'm tired, sleepy and as usual at this time of the night... moody. today went by really slow, virtually nothing could keep me occupied for 5 minutes. this morning i went to take apart the key and lock assembly of the faulty door... realized that it was highly possible that the key lock mechanism just failed. nothing just stuck in the key hole... just that the lock internals were messed up. all these means a new key lock assmebly is needed... went out to find them and they only cost 13 bucks. i'll wait time my last pay comes in... meanwhile the door is still lockable from the inside, but the outside is jammed. gotta remind my mum when i'm intending to come home late to NOT lock the gate or else i'll be sleeping at the void decks or playground.

like i mentioned earlier, nothing could keep me occupied for long. even listening to the music while in the bus... i just got sick of listening to my songs or whatever's on the radio. while outside, i didn't stay anywhere for long either. probably that's why i'm sooo tired right now... *yawn*

oh, the tv in the living room became "unviewable" a few days ago. now that's really fucked up. the only working tv we have now is the '14 one in my bro's room, fully taken up by my dad. mum now intends to buy another '14 tv to put in HER room... what about me???? sigh...

so some stuff inside me i wanna let out but.... my sleepy mind got the better of me and all i wanna do now is go to my bed, do myself maybe and sleep... hoping tomorrow would somehow be a better day....

"I'm walking away,
from the troubles in my life.
I'm walking away,
to... find a better day"

Not in the MOOD

Alright, i'm just feeling quite restless these 2 days. my mood was particularly low when i came back to camp last night. firstly no one was around, either gone for duty or not staying over to sleep like a fool, eg. me. Doesn't matter, i'm used to it... it's just that when you're exposed to such an environment where you're the only one there... how can one not feel blue? well i tried to watch tv and talk to some frens on msn using mah phone, yeah that helped, a little. Oh warning, i'm ranting alot today, so those who hate me for who i am RIGHT NOW, go surf somewhere else on the net.
Alot of things kinda pissed me off recently. one of which is the frigging letterbox. Yeah, some moron tried to pry open our letterbox, but failed miserable, either he/she was almost got caught in the act or they're just weaklings. I suspect it was probably those bastard neighnours downstairs with that mental father. Our metal grille door got tempered too, it seems that someone had inserted some tiny object into the keyhole and now we can't lock that door. to make things worse, by ever-so-smart dad tried to fix the door lock, instead now... to put it simply, it's just worse. who could've been doing all these shit to us? my mum and i could only think that it's the one downstairs, we're just probably waiting for another thing to happen before we're taking real actions for sure....
Now to outside... before i head to camp, i went to get some snacks. i was recieving the change when that fuckin' hasty cashier clumsily put the coins onto my hand which eventually fell to the ground. i was picking them up and was about to pick up the last one when this middle aged man, bent down and picked up the last coin. i thought he was being helpful was about to thank him... when that motherfucking asswipe, took that coin and put inside his pouch. i was fuckin' stunned. I told that goon,"hey, that was my coin." and guess what? he just gave me that "look" and faced away. i was so almighty disguested and fuming... but i couldn't be bother to make a scene over a 10cent coin, so i left. Right in front of my eyes and face. I was feeling dead pissed for the next 5 mins.
In camp... recently the dog van had this crack in the rear window of the van. i had no idea when it happened or what caused it, but i was friggin' sure that i had nothing to with it cos before i left to clear my leaves, that crack was never there. there is no fucking way that i'm involved with anything to do with van while i was away. now the guys at the workshop were just pissed over that crack and wants compensation for the damage. As for the 2 bosses, the more eduaction-deprived one said everyone in the dog platoon are to pay for the damaged. the other fat black one said only the driver are to pay.... and that includes ME. i wasn't around and i have to pay? you've got to be kidding... no serious, why the fuck should i pay for SOMETHING THAT I DIDN'T DO OR NOT INVOLVED IN ANY WAY? i'm just not gonna pay, man. no way. just one more week to my releaseand just one day to come back and i wouldn't have to deal with any shit that's going around in that camp.

just now i was told to stop getting affections and pityfulness online with what i put in my nick. well i just may not have to courage to tell her back, but that is just my mood. really, i don't really care what others think... well actually i do... ok so if ya reading this, you win. but you wanna know something? I'm really jealous of you. You're born with such good looks, have such wonderful personality and you're able to make lotsa friends and thus... being popular. Do you know how much i wanted to be like you? i'm just like the opposite... almost literally. being with you in the past was wonderful, just that fate always has something up his sleeves and thus... well i don't wanna mention anything anymore. i'm getting tired already.... sorry if all these has upsetted anyone. I just don't wanna break any ties just becos of whats in my head... thats why i don't call up anyone whenever i'm this down. When i have no one to turn to, this is the only way i can let it out. I just simply let it out... and i never back to all these. Till this day i have never looked back at any of my entries, never. i just hope for the better for myself and hopefully change into someone better.

A post-Happy Birthday to myself

Yesterday was my birthday, yep 4th of June. didn't felt like blogging yesterday, just don't ask cos i just didnt't felt like it. My mom even forgot that it was my birthday, but she was gracious enough to take me to a resturant for lunch. In the evening, i met up with Laura and Stef for dinner at Sur n Turf in suntec, my 2 closes frens :) unfortunately, stef was experiencing problems with her bf and was like a rather not-so-high mood, kinda dampen things a little. Nevertheless, she still came and i'm really thankful for that. Laura drove me around in her dad's Toyot Wish, omg MPVs are so friggin' big! And quiet... not to mention smooth too! after dinner, went to watch a movie while stef wanted some time alone... after the show went to get some tau hui for a little supper and finally a ride home from laura. it was much of a happening day, but having laura and stef with me for the evening was good enough. thanks babes :)
now off to another not-so-happy topic, my computer fucked up again. this time, it's running real slow while running some applications and this happened after i had finished downloading a movie which took me like a fugging week to finish. no, not that it was a big file, the download itself was sooo sloowwww.... and you know what's the best part? i can't open it. better still, i can't even remove it. to make things worse, i think it corrupted some of my files. now i have to RE-INSTALL THE FUCKING SYSTEM AGAIN! i'm tired of feeling pissed now, all i can do is well.... sulk and get depressed. A consulation to myself: at least i can still use this old obsolete junk.

Just turned 23 today

Yep, it's my birthday today. Usually people would get all excited and stuff... well erm, can't really say the same for me. later today i'm just gonna have dinner with some of my closer frens, which is i guess is just enough for me.
As you can tell, i'm not quite in the mood even though today is my birthday, where exactly 23 years ago, my mum was suffering in so much agony just to bring me out to this world. Hey, i do love my mum a lot... even though i may not show it, but really deep inside me, she's the most important person in my entire life and she'll forever will be. all the pain and trouble to raise me till now... love ya lots, mum. Anyway, just a while ago i was like recalling back my childhood life. Unfortunately i wasn't blessed to have a good memory when i was born, but through linking of thoughts i managed to recall images of my life back then. Ha... you can say that i was like bringing myself back into the past in my head. I know all these sounds weird, but all these gave me a better in-depth of what i went through when i was young... cos honestly, i only have a blur image of how i lived my life when i was young. Wished i had someone right beside me listening to my childhood life stories...
Sigh these days i don't know why the internet connection has been so slow... downloads are slowing down to a crawl and net browsing taking a much longer time to load... not to mention having no idea how some spyware got into my computer, slowing the whole junk even more. just a couple hours ago i was like trying to get the best settings but gave up... its too damn tedious! hope it's just the problem with the ISP which i hope they'll resolve soon.
To those few who wished me happy birthday, thanks. :)

I am beginning to hate my computer

Oh yes. I don't know why, this computer just can't seem to take in upgrades. for so numerous times, i've been trying to install the "very important" service pack downloads for my computer, but everytime while its installing it halfway, some error occurs and it restarts itself... and since it happened halfway during a windows installation, it is either have the bugger installed fully or go back to the old one. Obviously in my case, this was a one way only thing. This afternoon i tried for i believe is my very last time attempting to update my computer, i'm just so sick of waiting in front of my desktop while this junk installs. i practically spent the whole evening and night setting up my software again, this time making sure everything is done properly and perfectly... i hope. Dammit, screw this old junk, i wont a new computer!!!!!