*looking out of the window...*

another day ends. yesterday i didn't sleep at all in the afternoon... well that's becos the night before my duty was cancelled due to rain. oh yeah... so you can say i pretty much slept quite a bit already then. so yesterday i was practically hogging the computer the whole time... downloading shows, watching them... yeah that was it.
today another driving day for me, plus had to wash the tonner for tomorrow's erm, dog parade. not as if our vehicle's the show stealer... man you should see, the our once olive drab 1.5 tonner, with dried mud stains on the tires... went thru some freaky makeover and it's now damn shiny, from the body down all the way to rims. and how did we do it? with oil.... actually olive oil. i wasn't there, but our guys actually literally applied olive oil all over the body, tires, rims... and bloody hell even the interior as well. at least they had the brains not to oil the steering wheel.... it was a show-stopper while driving the guys down. can imagine ppl's thoughts, "what the fuck... a shiny new tonner?! SHINY?!" *smirk*
just noticed this recently, one of the happiest moments of the day is always getting out of camp together. everyone has plans, talking about this and that, that positive air going around in the barrack. it's strangely nice, and i like that.

The clouds that usually fill my mind, went up to the sky last night

last night's duty was fun... sort of. the night was clear with a bright moon shining, literally lighting up the entire area. i could even write on my beat book without using the torch! there wasn't any weathershed where i'd usually restat that particular duty area, so i just sat in the open at some hanger entrance. looking up i saw stars... about half hour later saw some really fasr moving clouds, yet didn't feel any huge wind or whatever. it was strangely entertaining, watching those clouds float by... i mean it was reeeally bright that night, and those clouds with all sorts of shapes, patterns, size... just floating by... fast. i was like lying down there for that next hour just looking up there... until even more came by and those was much more thicker and they looked more like rain clouds. becos they were thicker, everytime a thick one floats by the moonlight, it turns the whole area dark.... then it lights up again.... then goes dark... then light again, like there's someone up there playing with the light switch. i think that kinda woke the other guys up, cos after they came back, complained about the bright moon then the clouds caught their attention and they too watched them... then later at about 3 plus, i decided to head back to dog sect to sleep... a few minutes after i stepped into the rest room, it began to rain. am i lucky or WHAT! after waking up in the morning.... did some usual kennel washing, plucked some rambutans from the tree (yep we have that here), drove around the camp for fun and... went home. later having evening duty argh... and it looks like it's gonna rain now.... that way too soon man.
yeah that it, guess that day went pretty okay....

blank... day

not much today, all i did this morning and work was drive as usual. never went into the kennel at all haha. then after that went for lunch with some of the guys, then home... then slept a little... then now. tonight may do some 'by left' stuff, meeting up other guys while at duty... and i'll be using the dog van going around heh. mum's not home now, have no idea what's for dinner too... outside seems pertty clear day, perhaps the night too... very boring, very boring. yesterday didn't go too IMM at all, mom says she's too tired at the last mintue. 2 more fridays till pay day, that's really far away. at times like this, it gets pretty lonely here. seeing others occupied with their work and lookin' forward to things... sigh. looking at some stuff around my room reminds me of memories of the life i used to have while with someone... would pretty love to re-live those moments. it's another saturday night... blues. :s

Not easy trying to think of a different title all the time ya know...

oh boy... just finished watching The Bourne Supremacy, it's as good as the first one. the download was good, sounded great and best of all, it's not taken from a cinema theatre! now what did i do yesterday... hmm came home went on the computer, then i think i when watch a lot of family Guy shows and that Taxi movie, that one was based on Luc Besson's french Taxi series... had pretty much guessed what was gonna happen thru out the whole show... oh then i remembered sleeping at about 4pm... all the way till 11 at night. yep, guess i was that tired. mom had left my dinner in the fridge, so just heat it up and ate while surfin the net. yeah... i was on the computer till about 5 in the morning. along the way watched somemore Family Guy... then woke up this morning watched that bourne movie. feels like there're a lot more shows that i wanna watch, but i'm already out of disk space on my computer... next get list after next month's pay most probably gonna get a burner or a hard drive... wonder which one's better? burner a can download and burn and keep them almost indefinately.... harddisk i can store and access them easily... then again if my computer screws up which it WILL one day, heartpain man. hmm we'll see during then. later mom wants to go to IMM, good for me cos i need a lotta stuff... food shampoo and blah blah... you know by now i'm usually broke, but i've got this THING in front of me to keep me occupied! ah well, if you don't have much of a social life, look for one on the net. gonna spend a bit of time de-dusting the insides of my computer, currently my life depends on it, wanna have it last loooong as i can. it's like... a 2nd gf.... oh god what am i saying, bleah....

I'm only happy when it rains

mmm... another typical day ending soon. yesterday indeed didn't had enough sleep, when i reach dog sect i almost immediately knocked out.... all the way till they had to call me to go for deployment. that was around 12:20am... during then it was begining to rain (yes!), so once got to duty area, it's standby at the weathershed all the way till 3am. great huh... would have been perfect if those bloody technicians weren't driving around... had to sit up every time they pass by. did manage to catch a bit of sleep during that time but of course, it's never enough. then in the morning didn't know that the other shift was on off, so we had to like wash both sides of the kennel urgh... this afternoon had better sleep, woke up not feeling as tired as yesterday. oh and this afternoon when i got back home, i went to download the movie Cellular. thinking that i'd take a couple of days, i just simply left my computer on... when i woke up, whoa! the movie's done! that was the fastest d/l ever... like movie-in-an-instant. now i got 2 movies lined up for me to watch, alright! mmm... 7;30pm now, hope my bro comes back soon, i've been rather lazy to take the bus to camp these days... why bother spend an hour plus sitting in an uncomfy bus when i can have a 20min car ride? meanwhile, gonna record a few tracks to my MD, Robbie Williams stuff...

Doing this, doing that.... *roll eyesballs*

yawn.... just woke up from afternoon sleep. thanks to the pounding thunder that came along with the rain just now, i didn't really have a good sleep. now i'm feeling tired as hell... this morning was oh boy,bloody hectic. i think i did as much work as doing the kennel stuff. ok... morning again had wanted to run, but woke up a bit too late, cos last night slept only at after midnight... after a mac meal. had intended to drive the vehicle to cook house and have breakfast when, 2 of the guys needed to be up there immediately. ok, i'll send them there THEN come down for breakfast. go there, found out that some happened to the dog van and, the driver deploying the AES dog was late. ok, i'll do that deploying. while going out, met that driver( sigh). while deploying, met up with huge traffic jam leading to checking are and i was running almost late. after that, already not enough time for breakfast, so just ferry the men up. once up there, had to transfer to rover to drive down and draw explosive immediately. thought i was late, end up the ammo ic was late. ok wait wait... then went to draw that stuff blah.... ok then have to bring up that stuff to dog sect and bring down report for officer before his meeting. was gonna reach there, the other driver already driving down with the report. then, i sent the dismounting men down in that rover, waited for that other driver to finish his stuff, then we can head back together cos need both vehicles up there. also found out rubbish was still in that 1.5 tonner. bought food before heading up, reached there, all of a sudden quite a number of ppl needed to go down. got a little confused. only found out where i was suppose to drive while driving out of there. next is long story don't wanna type... so skip to collect lunch. while collecting lunch, someone wanted us to help bring some big tables to somewhere. had no idea what he was saying at firstr so i say okokok.... after that went to pick up 2 guys with stuff supposed to bring up, some metal shelfs. went back up, unload... finally get to have lunch... well actually my breakfast too. then call came regarding that rover parked up here. later sent the duty for tonight men down, then went down to settle the rover thingy. THEN after that finally, i get to change and.... book out. i left out a lot of details actually, cos really.... got a lot of things i did! and they say drivers slack....
now that i didn't had a good sleep, tonight duty urgh hope nothing will happen... wow yesterday was good, today busy and tired.... dunno what's in for the rest of the week. now i'm just looking forward to my off on friday which i HOPE they better not cancel it again.
dinner time... i'm famished and my tongue still hurts bad! *sulk*

Is this really... Monday???

Phew! home sweet home... was late leaving the camp but still! got home by 7. oww... got this ulcer at the side of my tongue, both sides actually... can't freakin' speak properly! once again did the driving for the ENTIRE day... in the afternoon sent the guys to SAFPU (where i was trained to be a handler) for their parade rehearsal. my driver IC managed to get my officer's permission to let me drive them there and stay to drive them back to camp, so no need to stay up there to do daystff work HAHAHA... turned out urgh. did nothing but sit, stand and watch them march. plus, had to wait till 5 before i could drive them back... 5 ok! once i reached back camp, dumped the vehicle, to the barracks to change and zoom out of the gates. well, turns out this particular monday is better than the other mondays... not bad. :) later me hoping to catch a ride in my bro's car to jurong point to meet up with some guys at the arcade... no to play, just hanging with them. man, i really have to do some runnning these days, i already escaped with my ippt 2nd failure, must not arouse his suspicion >:p
crap! my battery charger malfunctioning again... and this is the 2nd unit i bought. now i've got lots of rechargable AAs, but no charger urgh.... oooh ooh just finished d/ling The Bourne Supremacy, gonna find one of these days to watch it wee.... ahh, this day would have been perfect if she's around... hope her day went rather well too. whoa... just realized, i've haven't been as positive as today for a long time... then again it's always short lived, but just for today, just by thinking of her brought a little smile on my face. better enjoy this short short thingy while it last....

helpless

As of now, i'm feeling really really tired and sleepy... but i don't wanna go onto the bed yet, or maybe don't intend to. duty was alright, slept pretty alright despite it was the concrete floor i was sleeping on. next morning found out that my bowl of instant noodle was eaten by someone else last night, those bastards.... but they paid me back so it's alright. didn't take any pics of any dogs today cos i was still tired at that time... however while getting out of camp i came across this white female cat... she often out from nowhere wanders into our barrack these days. and this was what i saw...


Just outside the door and there she is... lying there, looking around.... 


... then she started flipping, stretching and turning here and there... 


... and finally she ended in this position. for a brief period she was actually sleeping like that. *doink* 

Oh, early... and i mean like 2am early, stef smsed me her blog address. wierd timing... got home and checked it out. was wondering what's with her "is a happy girl..." nick, told me to check out her blog few days ago. well, turned out to be the opposite. now i have no idea whether she's still with him or not... from the entries i read, doesn't seem so... wait, actually come to think of it... her entries somehow somewhat reflects on me. and this kinda instinctive thought that just risen in my head, that laurz should read this. gah i don't know... i quote this from her blog:

"Once I remembered someone saying this. A person can LOVE with ALL his heart for only ONE person in his lifetime. Let¡¦s say¡K a person feels that this is the greatest love of all. The person he loves is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to him. She is the true love. She is his everything. She completes him. However, fate has it that they cannot be together, no matter what. Even after many years down the road, will he be able to experience that same love ever again with another? She can be everything he ever wanted, she can be the most sensitive, most understanding, most thoughtful, and even the most beautiful he had ever met. Just that she isn¡¦t the same person as his first true love. Will his love for her be as much as before? Or is he just settling down for the sake of¡K maybe age catching up and just want anybody to keep him company? Or would he rather give it all up and be alone for the rest of his life? It¡¦s very much daunting for me to just think about it. Tears welling up in the corner of my eyes."

unquote(erp, what am i doing...)
that gave me a lot of thoughts about myself. i really wonder, how would i move on from all this? sigh... i also read lauz blog and... her last entry almost brought tears to my eyes. well actually it did... it was all in chinese but i still manage to understand most of the words. to think all along since after we broke up she was leading a great outside life of freedom.... i really can't bear to see her like that now. hurts me bad that she's not being her cheery self and worse, i can't do much about it. my heart says that i should attend to her, but my mind tells me that doing so will only made things worse for myself and maybe her too. it's been months since i last spoke to her or even smsed her.... mmm wait did sent her a funny mms a few days ago... just did that for fun.... no not really... sigh. gah, it's all coming back to me... what should i do? what should i do....

why do i STILL think of that someone....

just spent the entire afternoon on the computer... well i can afford to not sleep for today cos i'll be sleeping later at duty anyway... hopefully in peace. i watched some shows and got this new downloading program called shareaza, pretty cool cos i can get it to download much much faster than any other programs... plus also came across this webbie where i can d/l the newest films... yeah lack that theatre experience but hey, saves me precious $$$. last night had rained and the guys weren't deployed :( but i slept anyway in the restroom... until don't know when other guy came along and slept beside me. got freaked out when i opened my eyes at one time to see his face and i immediately turned around. that bozo had to snore and wake me up before i was supposed to sigh... yep it's another all-by-myself- weekend for, me not much complains... just missing certain company once in a while. took some pics of Antis who i'm currently handling... maybe gonna take a few more tomorrow morning hee....


look at those 'bat' ears of his. hahaha 


Antis trying his best to look erm.... pretty. 

Inner confessions

man, what's the using of blogging when everday's the same... where my life seems to stand still indefinately. yeah yeah i'm a sad person, who's not? don't tell me everyone in this world is happy all the time... that's bullshit. i have no one to share my life with, to tell my everyday happenings of ups and downs, to make fun of and laugh with... a someone whom i can look forward to everyday. i consider those people who are attached really lucky, and they should freaking treasure it and not treat it as some past time, trend, or liability whatever. recent stefanii had a really huge quarrel with her boyfren, ended up having a short break of just an hour and they couldn't bear to be apart. now they're giving their relationship another go... hope it all works out for them. sigh, i always have feelings built up in me, and i have to let it out... then again people who hear or be my supposed 'listening ear' will say that why am i so negative blah shit... yeah i've seen better days, and that was when i had someone. all i need is someone who can be there for me... yes that sounds like i'm sooo dependant on people... it's the same as a sick disable guy who needs a nurse or fren to help him. i don't see a difference. you know how i feel? I feel like.... i'm just the same as anyone on this earth, it's just that i'm being seen so differently and misjudged terribly.
tomorrow i'm having my ippt, damn right i'm not gonna pass it and i'm so gonna be screwed hard for that.... yeah i'm ready for that. bring it on. you people may never understand my problems and what do you care anyway.

*exhale*... that felt good...

Midweek turnabout

urgh... today's events at camp really made my life miserable... how should i begin... ah just wanna get straight to the point. this morning i was caught by, of all the ppl in camp, who else but Master Karu, for driving without a vehicle commander. man, i was waiting for someone down near the main gate when i met the other fellow driver, he told me that i was to collect back the rover i sent in a while ago.(standard practice, you send, you collect). at that time he was gonna send back a rover and collect another one back, so i thought might as well we 2 go collect the rovers together, saves me the walking trip to the MT line. he was updating some log books and told me to park the current rover up at the car park nearby and i was like ok. then while driving up, i saw master's car coming in and i was like oh shit, hope he didnt see me. he didn't, so that was alright. then while heading back to the car park, which was actually one big round... oh oh ohhh shit. and that's how i got caught... he wasn't too happy but didn't really fuck me or something... but later on was nagging that if he ever see us drivers driving without a veh commd. again, 7 extras instant. sigh. next.... tomorrow my whole shift was suppose to have off for that COC parade... now it's cancelled. why? thanks to the bloody security audit tomorrow... i was so looking forward to that off cos i needed that bloody rest i've been lacking the past few days... and you know today i was like so tired, even my eyes showed it in the afternoon. then while going home it downpoured outside and i got drenched.... at least found some peace in what im doing now.
looking back at my last entry, guess i wrote that last comment on impulse... maybe she did say something great about me, just that my poor lousy memory may just freaking lost it or something.... not proud of my memory power at all. :(

I dream of her...

freak... was typing halfway when my computer froze... nvm. yesterday was pretty much the same as any other day, nothing much going on. basically stay at home the whole day, watching Family Guy, games and net surfing... and playing Need for Speed Underground 2! it was awsome, just that my computer isn't that good enough to play well. this morning was back to work from the long weekend, in the morning had intended to do some running in prep for my dreaded ippt, but somehow just couldn't pull myself together to do it. well thankfully i didn't run, cos i was needed to do some last mi deplyment. work wasn;t much either, i was drving here, there again... just waiting for the day to pass by. this morning i had a dream before i woke up, i had actually dreamt of meeting up with laurz! don't know why... but i remembered that i was really happy to see her again, it's like a natural high just to have her in my sight. the reality didn't set in till much later... that we were no longer together sigh.... but before that happened, it felt so real that she appeared in my dream. it was like, i didn't want to wake up and miss this chance... she was looking great, with that smile... it's like she really does have that aura around her that attracts me. it's like some energy feeling.... in the real world here it's the same. maybe it's just me, but i felt that she does have that certain special quality that no other people have... and i saw that in her. that kinda makes me feel good... about myself. you know, some achievement... that no one could see that but me. sigh... never had the chance to tell her that... and it's already too late to do that. soon some other guy will she that in her and all this will just fade away... downloaded this song a couple days ago, didn't really notice about the lyrics till recently, it's by Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway... it would just remind me of her somehow...

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of a could-be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around wild indoors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway...

it's true that she wanted to be free, look at her now... she's happy the way she is now. told me that i was great but... :os i'd honestly say that she's the greatest friend i've ever had and probably will for the rest of my life, but she never said who i am to her before she left... and that really hurt me a lot... oh god... *streams of tears*

at the auto show...

Nothing much today, it's just like any other day, just the same cycle over and over and over... today went to the auto show, wasn't big even though it had 2 levels... went there alone, actually it was good to go there alone, can take my time... then again, no one to share my interest with. no one was free anyway... took some pics, those which caught my eye. from suntec went all the way to jurong point. can't understand why i did that... then evening went home... along the way happened to pass by a cd shop and HAPPEN SO that The Need For Speed Underground 2 is already out! actually didn't intend to get it... but i heard raves about it... in the end spent the last hour playing non-stop. it was good man, finally more realistic cars, can even really mod to my own liking (after completing the game which i guess will take me.... weeks if non-stop??) but it was graphic intense. my computer was like barely coping with it, even at it's lowest resolution. sigh.... thank goodness tomorrow's a holiday... and there's this new game.... now i wish i had the ability to last long hours without sleep or fatigue to play... cos again, getting tired sigh....


Toy car from that Peugeot ad. cute eh? 


 


A Harly Fat Boy. Love it's name 


lookin' at the speakers, not the lady 


Suzuki's concept car, the C-2 or something like that. i think it looks better than the Mini Cooper. 


A Chevy concept retro-meets-future truck. yellow's cool huh? 


Forgot whether it's a Rolls Royce or a Bentley, look at all that shiny metal, urhh... 


Now those are some awsome kewl lights 


this caught my eye very much, the Lexus L-SV or something. sleeeek  


man, why do only concept cars look so gorgeous, but when they comes out of the factory they look nothing like it but shit... hmm 

Got... puffy sleepy eyes...

Long weekend time, monday public holiday, no need to go back to camp on sunday night... sounds like a great time to enjoy eh? yeah... not really for me. this morning came back again, tired and sleepy all over. last night's duty was like, i reached my duty area and within 1 hour, i was like in the weathershed sleeping. was only really sort of sleeping for about an hours, before waking up and turning on off on off... had actually thought of going out this afternoon, like to the auto show or something.... but i really needed the sleep or else later tonight i'll be zzz way too early... and i don't intend to sleep early tonight. got cable man! then when i woke up i smsed dick, but he wasn't free.. and so i was like again left alone... then i remembered i had this sms fren whom we have never met in person before... so i was like... really had nothing else to do (haven't finished downloading the family guy shows yet), asked to meet up for dinner. my god, when i saw her.... let's just say i'd rather have us stay as sms frens. had dinner at sake sushi at lot1.... then talked a bit, blah blah.... urgh. don't think we'll be seeing each other ever again... i hope. hmm anyway, by now my shows are complete, gonna watch them then play some online games... yep, my saturday night life. gosh, why am i still so tired and sleepy, sigh.....

Dawn of a new Age for me

wow, almost didn't realize that i forgot to blog yesterday, well that's becos i've just got.... CABLE CONNECTION! oh yes, noooo more 56k shit, i can stay online as long as i wanna! yesterday i went to the starhub shop at PS to sign up, they had this promo going on, free modem, activation fee waived and best of all.... no need to pay for some installation charge! they actually gave me an option whether i wan the installation thingy, just said no straight away. i can set this up myself! and i did, just had to buy a long cable and wee.... it was just plug-n-play. for the first time in such a long while, i felt really happy. i can finally download whatever i wanted to watch, play whatever online games till wee hours and download songs.... FASTER! also yesterday went to sim lim square to get a bluetooth dongle for my phone to connect to my computer, excellent man! now i can store my camera pics, sms and whatever into my computer.... change the theme of my phone and ooh ooh, i can use my phone as a remote control to my computer! really useful when playing songs and watch shows... i was so into my new found toys yesterday, that i didn't even sleep when i was suppose to have duty last night. i didn't care... and i ended up feeling super tired this morning. came home then... switched on my computer first, watched an episode of family guy hee... then went to sleep. wow, feels like i no longer have a reason to go out anymore haha... no lah. the weekend's here... plus got that auto show going on... don't know whether should i go alone or ask someone along. the last time i went to an auto show turned out bad cos i kept going round and round... don't really wanna get anyone irritated. maybe i'll go alone then next time ask someone along or something.. nah. hmm.. been wanting to meet laurz for quite some time, that thought kept lingering around.... contemplating whether it's a good idea, i mean it's just lunch or dinner... but i always have this reputation of screwing up whatever i tried to do... embaressing man. hmm see how... laurz also got blogging thingy recently, don't know why everyday i instinctively go to her webbie and check it out. sigh, hurts to see someone who you used to love and/or still love feeling down... but the worst thing is you can't do a damn thing about it, knowing that you'll still hurt her in the end... even if it's just being there for her. And thus my own saying... "Looking after her from afar"...
some pics from my phone...

Me and Kennth, the guy who sleeps under my bed


Using my fren's K700i, I'm Wanted!


Noby wearing a cape during one of the parades


Dusty II, cute eh


Yeah i know it's blur, but these 2 guys were actually hiding from the rain, lol


one of the newr dogs, name's pertty obvious, doing that Ferrari's prancing horse stunt


Noby, up close and personal!

*eyes half open.... or close... whatever*

oh gosh... i'm so tired right now.... after doing that extra and doing 8-5 the next day, it's really tiring. yesterday was plain stupid of me... to mistook the midnight duty for the evening and i ended up having to only sleep for 2 hours and reach camp, to find out that i was actually way too early. man i felt so stupid.... well at least the camp food for dinner that evening was good, spagetti... don't often come across such rare yummy food. usually after eating i would fall asleep if i were to lie on a bed, wasn't the case last evening. i flipped, turned... even played games on my phone which usually works most of the time didn't work.... and i felt miserable. while at duty, i again didn't manage to sleep well, cos i was woken up by ants biting all over me, especially my armpit i remembered clearly.... don't look at me, i wash myself everyday alright. so i got up, used the mosquito coil and lighter and burnt the shit away from myself and around me... until the ants formed another route to travel. it was freezing cold, thank goodness i wore another shirt inside... still it was c-c-cold. today this morning... drove that 1.5 tonner for the very first time, all thanks to my IC who was drinking last night and was still visably very very drunk when i picked him up at the main gate of the camp this morning. he was acting very pissed and tempermental.... ah typical character of a drunk indian. so becos he's so total not able to drive, i just took that tonner and ferried the rest of the guys up. wow, that truck was fast, powerful.... and had this freakin heavy clutch that i had quite a difficulty trying to slowly find it's biting point. otherwise, i was reving the monster too and from, accelerating from 1 point to another until i began to smell something. i asked around but no one claimed to smell anything... checked the engine myself and sure enough, oil was like splashing everywhere the engine bay area. apparently some little pipe which i later found out was to for the brake fluid, had came loose from somewhere and contents were like everywhere.... some got onto the super hot exhaust manifold and that made a lot of smoke... and smell. fixed it back myelf and i from then on sort of took it slow. hai tomorrow's a public holiday, don't have to go back to camp yay.... was thinking of having lunch with some ppl but once again, so far till now no one replied.... felt like calling laurz out but my guess is that she'd probably already have something on already. just want some company, anyone?

I'm free! for just a few hours urghhh

Ohhh boy, feels good to be home again. spent the sunday and monday at that horrid place, it's good to be able to see women in outside clothes again ahahaha. man i'm so tired, apparently i didn't, or rather never had enough sleep... firstly there, is never a comfortable place to sleep and mosquitos plague the whole place. and as if being there wasn't bad enough, i had to tolerate the ever-repeating nonsense from my loop 'buddy', always talking to me as if i'm stupid or something lower. most of the time i spent watching tv and playing on his Game Boy Advance. i acutalyl brought along my camera, but just didn't felt like taking any pics the past 2 days. glad that my nco duty is over... i've yet to serve my extra this EVENING, which is LATER.... it 's about 1:30pm now and i've yet to catch some sleep then head back to camp. actually this extra duty of mine is supposedly 'slack', but i heard that there's gonna be a security audit at that place.... dammit, please don't make me prowl. tomorrow i'm doing 8-5!!! sigh... finally i've settled my driver paperwork shit.... sort of. let's just wait and see what that fat black guy has to say... we're no longer driving the rover, we got ourselves a bigger one... and it's Mercedes! no really, they called it the "1.5 tonner". Like the name suggest, carries half the load of the 3 tonner. never drove that one before, tomorrow gonna get a short intro by my driver IC-cum-gonna ord soon-cum-but still gonna do 3 extras for a stupid stunt he made. it sounded powerful, let's see what can i do with it. >:Dsigh, really man... not enough rest! but nevermind, PAY DAY IS COMING. then again i'll get broke a few days later... hmm... then there's the ippt which i've yet to PASS... and i still miss someone... anyway, hope it rains BIG later on, so that i don't have to be deployed... and can stay in barrack and sleeeeeep....

My saturday log

Saturday 6 November 2004
12:00am: On the computer, surfing the internet.
12:46am: Got hungry, found nothing in the fridge. Went back to the computer.
02:54am: Got sleepy. Went to pee, washed my face, drank half a glass of water and went to sleep.
02:55amto08:40am: Zzzz...Zzz...Zzzz09:01am: (Bright sunny morning) Woke up, brushed teeth, made instant noodle for breakfast, read newspapers.
11:36amto01:55pm: Was online looking at forum threads, about tips and tricks of my T610 handphone. Found out that i can change one of the buttons to perform other things, but i dun need that...
02:00pm: Lunch
02:16pm: Played games on my computer.
04:16pm: My duty loop buddy for the month smsed, telling me that he doesn't have any entertainment to bring for tomorrow. Sigh, we're screwed.
04:55pm: My fren Michelle smsed me, asking how's my weekend so far. Finally, someone actually bothered to see how i'm doing. *feels glad :o)* she was stuck in sch, mugging for exams on monday. both of us finding the weekend sucks.
05:23pm: had to stop playing coz i developed a little headache from too much screen staring. 06:45pm: played www.isketch.net... then had simple dinner.
07:21pm: mum asked me to pre-wash my uniform myself before throwing them into the machine.
07:55pm: went to clementi to buy some food for tomorrow (doing NCO duty... on a sunday, sigh), bought prata to eat at home :p
09:15pm: Was eating my prata and listening to Club Beats on 98.7FM.
09:21pm: Killed a mosquito on my leg. Fuck, there're mosquitoes in my room?!
09:22pm: Continued eating my prata.09:25pm: Burnt that dead mosquito with a lighter.
09:55pm: Went online, played my favourite online game, Continumm.
10:43pm: Here i am.

yep, that was my day. Tomorrow doing the NCO duty at the dog sect., 24hours up there with my loop buddy who blabbers a whole lot of shit, sigh. No Playstation, VCDs, N-gage!! Just tv and those dogs who will sit at the kennel door,sttare at me and bark like mad whenever i enter the kennel area. think i'll bring some book there to kill time. plus ain't coming home till tues, stupid new standing orders. Sigh... *blank stare*

A struggle

urgh... finally i get to have some rest! the past 2 days were sooo long, didn't sleep much at all in the night. yesterday before duty i dii slept in the afternoon, don't know why while on the way to camp i developed some headache and vomitting feeling. i got to camp, immediately changed, popped a panadol and took a quick rest on the bed. i was feeling so tired, wasn't sure i could do duty at all. in the end i did, didn't sleep much at all... partly due to me playing on my fren's n-gage :p. i did manage to sleep for half hour, but stood awake cos i don't wanna fall asleep too deep and get caught and bye bye me... the after duty work i was struggling to keep my eyes open, they felt so heavy and i was dying to lie onto a bed! before we could get the hell out of the camp a thorough barrack cleaning was needed to be done, so had to stay for a while more sigh sigh sigh... slept in the bus on the way home... got home, knocked out immediately and slept for 6 hours straight. oh and guess what, i'm still feeling tired and sleepy. 2 fridays from now, i have to take my ippt again... and this time i HAVE to pass... no wait, not just pass... get silver! i'm in need of a miracle to pull that one off... guess tonight's gonna be the last time that i go eat whenever i feel like it... was thinking of starting to increase the chances of that miracle to happen by doing some serious regime... then again i know myself that i can never, never keep do that... oh what the hell, i could lose this freakin' tummy of mine anyway,

Near the breaking point

man, everyday it's always starts with a hot and sunny day.... then later in the afternoon it rains. yesterday was a really really terrible day for me, i was so freakin' stressed out and had to stay in.... and had duty last night too! it all started with my officer who wanted to have all the paperwork regarding to the driving to be updated and back-dated properly. it's been quite a while since ive wrote.... and he wants me to get it done.... all in one day. when i heard that i was like what the FUCk, throughout the day i put up a sulky face. btw i just woke up, so there's gonna be some loop holes here and there... anyway, i also had duty on that night and i didn't sleep much for it.... actually due to me staying up to play the sims.... it was to get my mind of the matter for a while... a long while.... then while on duty, i didn't even get to sleep at all. firstly there was a blackout in my duty area... then there was a lot of car movement... plus there was lightning all over... and it was a clear night with the moon shining so damn bright.... i was so pissed at life the whole of yesterday. messaged so many ppl and fuckin' none of them replied... even tilll now. i was so in need of talking to someone and no one, NO ONE was there for me. i was a really down and sad feeling... drove me to near the breaking point. am i that irritating and useless? what saved me from thid state was this simple... thing. a sunny day. this morning it was clear, bright and damn hot.... but it somehow brought me this calming feel. probably also becos that i can dismount and go get my much damn needed rest.... my officer didn't came this morning... and that saved me from having to face him and explain all the shit and stuff. sigh why can't ppl understand how and what i'm going through? it's not as if i'm doing this for pity, it's fuckin real when i get into this depressive state. and all i needed for just someone who i can talk to... is it that hard?! i know it's in my personality to get depressed easily, but that's me and if that's a real turn off to everyone, then who the fuck can i turn to? i really sometimes thought of getting medical help for this, but i'm just embarressed to tell everyone that i'm a weakling that i can't make it on my own. why is god so unfair....plus i had calculated wrongly... 7 more days to pay day... thought it was this weekend that i'm getting pay... this sat having off.... sigh. just feel like breaking down right now and let if all cry out in my bed.... it hurts so much to not have that close one who you can turn to in times of these... its like, so near but yet so far...

*blank stare*

it was a slightly busy day, morning had the parade... afternoon was driving to and fro... nothing much. i had exchanged handphone with my fren, me wanna play the sims on his n-gage hehe. got hooked to it for a while, especially when i found the cheat to it hahaha. yeah, the game pretty much kept me occupied... but right now i'm aboslutley broke... gotta last till sat. hmm this sat i'm off, guess it's a little something to look forward to. $$$...

It's Blue Monday again, let my sorrows pour out like the rain today...

today, all i did most of the time was drive, drive and drive. nope, didn't wash any kennels. nope, didn't do any dog training. nope, didn't groom any dogs. nope, didn't even went anywhere near the kennels today. Can consider today, quite alright. Just found out that tomorrow was supposedly my shift off day.... then happen so that tomorrow there's a parade and we have to attend it, so that off day is postponed to elsewhere. damn. quite a number of ppl took planned leave, taking advantage of the 2 public holidays this month. i didn't take any, wanna save for next month.... for what, i dunno. last night met up with dick... was disappointed that he didn't find any huge amount of cash. however, he got me this well duplicated sunglasses (almost lah), with the little 'Gucci' brand embedded in the frame. man, it looks real... from afar. well glad that he actually got me something... the thought of that never crossed my mind. slept in camp that night alone, those guys who'd normally stay over took leave on the next day, so the atmosphere in the barrack kinda brought out the negative self. i recalled having a dream a few days ago, it was about laura and i forgot much of it... but it was something about losing her. to me it was a nightmare... had woke up at 5 in the morning and couldn't really go back to sleep. those words from her... telling me off and all... kept haunting me from time to time. how she had broken my heart so hard... what she had made me go through... at the same time my mind was also on how hard it would have been for her too... anyone could just make me fall, and i'd get back up... but when she's the one who made me fall, i just couldn't really get back up. why do i keep counting on her... i tell myself, i have no other one to count on. going into another relationship just becos of this is just so wrong... i miss those hugs, those words, those kisses... and those touch... it's just so sad that all these will never be alive again. if i could turn back the time, i'd wanna re-live those 3 1/2 years again, every single bit of it, both happy and sad times.... no, i'd wanna make it perfect, learn from my mistakes and see her happy. damn... why am i such a sucker... i am like that anyway.