Silent stress

Ahhh... it's really sickening to do 3 duties in row. Firstly, it's really tiring, 2nd it's... can tell ya super tiring... 3rd, fuck i can't tell you how tired i am, like today. today the other shift was on off, so more work for us... washing both sides and groming and all. every afternoon sleep is never enough, i had intentions, real ones ok, to stay in to catch up for the loss of sleep, but i had to change my uniform as my rashes were acting up again. day by day i kept telling myself to hope for a better day and all the while, more shit happens. tell me someone, what to do??????????? sigh feeling so sick inside...
Just realized that my sister-in-law had recently given birth to another baby, at the moment not sure it's a boy or a girl. i haven't even seen the new born yet. well congrats to her anyway, maybe will take some pics to put up when i have the chance...
it's usually at this time of the day when i feel the most dwindling mood, just woken up and knowing that you have to get back to camp. I wonder, whta keeping me alive??? hmm... sigh...

Total.... boredom

just served my 4th extra... this one even came with an understudy, how fun. hd to teach the prper stuff, the routes, what to check and stuff...sigh. almost everyday i had to get sleep in the afternoon, like just now... in order to last till at least, the middle of the night. really ya know, i'm really getting sick of it. Getting blacklisted didn't help either, where the both black bastards will somehow find the slightest fault within me and make a fucking big fuss out of it. i've got 5 months left here, i really just wish to leave this place in peace.
as you can tell from way i'm writing, i just woke up.... and if you've guessed it right, yeah laura was in my dream... in fact the last 2 dreams i had. it's not that she's the turn off, it's the fact that i'm still missing her, and without her in my life just felt so like miserable.... but in this current state of my life i can only bear with all these and hope something good would surface somewhere.
all that's it for a sunday for me. i'm just gonna watch some funny vid clips to distract myself....

You know exactly what you want and nobody's going
to hold you back. The Lexus SC is your whisper
quiet get away from the rest of the world.
Imagine yourself driving through the quiet open
mountain roads. The beautiful view. Everythings
ok. Take a breath, and just take it all in.


What car are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

really? i thought i was more than that. :p

lots of happenings...

Ahh... finally some updates to my blog. the past 2 days saw no time to write an entries, intentions were there... just simply no time to do it.
yesterday met up with stef in the afternoon, it's been a long long time since i saw here! haha still skinny as ever... had lunch at clementi. she's still having problems with her 'imature and insensible and often contredicting bf'... even his frens and even his own mom agreed with stef's point of view. but what can she do? nothing really, other than wait till the day where he finally realizes that he's not the most handsome guy stef has ever known and that at age 25, he's still very much imature in his head. anyway, it was great to finally meet someone for a chat, more of that please! oh wait, that depends on tommy's so-called "friends".... heard that?! just spare a few hours with me and i'm happy aready, no sucking up, no trying to win back hearts or whatever shit... just a meal or coffee and i'll shut up. ez.
Yesterday was also Nelson's, our long serving guard dog up in Dog Platoon, last day before being put out of his misery... i mean to sleep. he's been around for 8 long years, about time to retire accordding to the fucked up SAF rules. Nic, Nelson's beloved handler was obviously upset about this, spent some last quality time with him the night before while he was NCO. he even bought Nelson's ashes for 200 bucks after he was cremated, kinda ex but worth it for such a lovable and fun dog like Nelson. Ulme, another german shepard who was also put to sleep much earlier, didn't recieve such great attention as he was more fucked up haha... Made me wonder about Noby. He's pretty old too, went through so much in the past... survived bloated stomache, beared through totures by previous handlers for shitting and playing with it in the kennel... it's because for that he's the most obedient dog he is today. though he can't pull any vehicles for shit except only standing up and getting excited when pullback vehicle arrives, he's really a fun and cute cute CUTE to have around. would really love to have him as my pet ya know! but he's already showing his age, can't get up immediately from lying down position, spotting "white hair" all around... hope he will be still be around till my ord at least.
ah yes, it's pretty muched confirmed that... i will not be an IC! it was decided a few days ago, during the time when master put up a list of new ppl to hold IC appointments... and he said that drivers will not be ICs. whoa. doesn't matter much to me anyway, will get IC status somehow... like Driver IC haha. Actually Zhang, my current shift IC, asked me whether i wanna be an IC as he actually wanted to push for me to be 1IC, taking over him cos if going according to ord dates, i would be next in line... i but i sticked to being a driver cos well, really i prefer to drive, which is what i lurrve doing, rather than fuck ppl around and bear any shit caused by my men. maybe some ppl will say that it's an oppotunity to be IC and that i should take it, but i mean, right now at this stage of my life, i still don't know what i want to do in the future and... ah to put it simply i'm not doing anything for anyone, i'm just doing what i feel like doing and that's to drive... drive to put any misery in my life away.
well, CNY is arouund the corner, pay gonna come out early next month yum yum... but now there's some conflict and politics going on between my shift and the other... just can't be bothered at the moment... today's my supposed "off" day, no need to head back to camp early, want to make full use of this little free time that i have to reeeelax.... mmm...

a quick pic of me and stef 


R.I.P. Nelson. 19?? - 2005.  

Super long day...

ahh my arms so TIRED and SORE! just this afternoon everyone did like 12 pull-ups and 50 push-ups... me no spared. man my arms are like stiff already.... last night's duty was super uncomfortable. everyone thought master would come out, in the end he didn't... fooled us again. just when i thought i could catch some sleep at duty, it had to be a full moon that night. oh not only that, the moon had to face directly into the whethershed where i was sleeping. FUCK! how to ...^%&*#%!!!! there wasn't anywhere else i could go, the one area which had trees for cover was facing the airfield, which had cold cold winds blowing brrr... sigh. so today's day stuff i was like -_- most of the time...
right now i'm still pretty much in the -_- mood, so nothing much to write for today. once again heading back to camp soon....

oh another thing, i was told that i wouldn't be an IC after all. the other black guy told me fren Lucas who told me that... ever since that Antis incident, he had changed his mind about puttting me as 1IC. guess it's good news to me... i wouldn't be able to cope with such huge respondsiblity in my hand. In the Antis Incident i already showed my true self, that i do buckle under stress. SO... i think i can start having the 'lao jiao ord mood" thingy already ahahaha. it's better that way, i'm already good enough being a man, being a driver as one of my roles up here.

Haunting dreams

just woke up from my afternoon nap... really felt the need to let out this. recently i've been having dreams, and in those dreams laura is always in there. for whatever reasons, i don't know. this one which i woke up from was set in this restuarant, at some function or party... i don't know why but i was at this table with this french family. to cut this real short, across the room i saw laura, in a glamorous dress with her usual frens. my mind was kept on her, i was somehow too shy to approach to her say to hi, yet was hoping that she would somehow see me. i was looking at her, being happy, clicking well with the ppl around her, busy looking at her best when actually with further thinking into it this she was simply just smiling. then i felt this, this incredible sense of... jealousy?! i could not explain why i felt this, let alone what caused this.... but i do know that in almost every dream i had that had her in it, somewhere in that dream i felt some jealousy.... and it's begining to bug me. i'm not potraiting her as some monster or baddie in anyway (how can i ever, sigh...), but all these simply brought my feeling down when i wake up from it, thus some answers to my grumpy moods i've been having recently. the new question now stands; why do i still have deep inside me??? am i into this way too deep, that i can never get out from it? one of the wacky solutions i came up with myself was that i find someone to replace her... but how can i find that someone who is as good as her?? *clutches head in pure agony*

later i'm serving my 3rd extra duty tonight, and it's only the 3rd. time these days passing by so slowly i see... *big exhale* heard word going around that master's going for another round of spotcheck/night baiting, this time to catch those low profile ppl, biggest eg., ME. pls don't let it be tonight, pls don't let it be tonight.... CNY coming around the corner, no shopping done as yet, my $$ already empty.... well, it's the usual "mid-month crisis" again. :S

What a beautiful day

Yes indeed, just look at the weather outside. clear skies, bright sun... and the mood somehow calming today. maybe it's because i'm feeling really lucky today. just last night master karu came out to do night baiting... and it was a long one. me? doing outbase duty. one again i escaped the night baiting from him! when i heard the news upon coming back from duty, i was like "whoa!" can't believe my luck man. i actually didn't had a good sleep last night, didn't felt like sleeping til 2 and was watching tv... then had to wake up at around 3 coz the ants came to bite me. i didn't do much much work in the kennel too... most of the time was just telling ppl what to do hahaha... practicing the roles of being the future 1IC.
after dismounting from camp. me and kenneth decided to go grab some food somewhere, so drove to this Jurong St 24 to have this great hawker tim sum. man we ordered mah fav. usuals, ha kao, siwe mai, lor mai kai, some yam balls, stewed chicken legs... unofortuantely no fried carrot cake and century egg porridge to complete the set. and it was cheap too! in total we spent $15, including drinks. it was more than enough man! this is gonna be one of mah fav. food spots. :D
In the afternoon i didn't went to sleep, instead went to wash the Caddy again. this time went to the nearby multi-storey carpark as the water there is FREE. finally got the front wheels cleaned. later went for a little joyride... then drovew up to kent ridge park. OMG, i never knew the view from up there is so spectacular! here's a couple of pics from my phone....


blur huh. It was a damn bright day, in the distance are the erm, ship port area thingy.... 


this the view towards the south sea. if i had my digi camera it would've looked even better. i tell ya it was awesome man. 

had i knew of such place earlier, i would've brought my gf along and surprise her with this. But i don't have a gf. sigh... well make this as one of the great places to bring your loved ones...
tonight's duty is again SLACK, that's why i didn't sleep heh... but well i gotta go soon, maybe grab some dinner outside then eat in camp... i've been thinking, maybe i'm indeed a fool to always be hopeful that someone would return one day. i think i;ve finally woken up for real this time and gonna try to move on... but i still think it takes more than just myself to get over this. yep... hope to meet someone new soon....


An evening drive... :p 

reflecting myself

Lasst night... hmm well didn't exact went as all planned... but still, the company was alright for me. our man was supposed to have reserved some tickets to the entry for the nus bash thingy up at chinablack.... but at the last moment his source screwed up, so we ended with none and queued for a bloody 2 hours to gain entry via chinablack itself. gave up in the end and we head down to china jump instead... where we just spent a while there, with a few drinks... then finally headed to a kopitiam for some food before going home. i anticipated changes... i guess i'm quite used to it.... but i also found out that, it might be better for me to just be out alone. with ppl around there're bound to be some conflicts, last minute plans and stuff... plus my social skills have be going on a downhill ride, i'm now more of just riding along... going with the flow. right now i think i don't have anyone important in my life, apart from my mom.... the only closes company i have is stef... who had just promised me that she'll reserve her break time this coming thurs for me. we shall see...
everyday i go thru this bout of confusion, of what to do when to do what to think who to think for why should i do blah blah blah... life like mine is slowly becoming meaningless. i'm not sure whether to feel sad, sorry for myself or pissed, angry... glad? or simply don't feel anything at all. no one's telling me to do anything, i am free to do whatever i want... but when you don't know what you want, you don't know your aim, or you don't even know yourself cos no one's talking to you and no one's pointing out your mistakes, no one's saying about what ya doing... no one's even bothered about you.... alone and the impression displaying as, left out. no opinions, not comments, no compliments, no abuse, no words at all. i feel lke an outkast, who is just blending in with the community for the sake of, not being left out. i have no drive, no motivation to persue anything... no goals set at this point of life... time seems to stand still inside me.
i wonder why i have become like this... from young an active kid, turned shy and timid... then wacky, humourous, some say that i'm caring, faithful, dependable(?)... then back to anti-social, reserved and cold. looking back at my life, to be real honest, i don't really know what kind of person i am! mixed? can't be.... everyone's got a distinguished character of themselves, something that defines them, them. what about me? hmm...
my last entry about laura was... yes harsh at her, but it's really the truth and i can only come with conclusions based on what i believe cos... no one's telling me what's real behind it. yeah i am naive, shallow, whatever you call... ah i give up. no, not at lief, but all these. what's all these? heh i don't know...

sigh...

Pissed, spoilt day

I am pissed right now. so much that i just really had to let it out. today was supposedly a good day, it's my 2nd dismount and plans were set up for the evening till night. later in the evening i had thought i was gonna meet up with laura for dinner... turns out when i messaged just now, she told me she already made appointments as i didn't confirm with her about tonight, so she texted. last week i asked to meet up, she couldn't make it and suggested wed or today... and i said today cos yesterday i had duty... she said ok. then i went on to mention that i'll confirm with dick cos she mentioned that she wanted to see dick too. and now this. so, what have i done wrong? honestly, what?! is it wrong of me not to bug her about tonight within the last few days? it's so damn obvious that i mean nothing to her, really. fancy making appointments when she damn knows that i had intending to just simply meet her... i can imagine what reasons she can give me, the most prominment one would be that she's "just moving on".

well laura, if you're reading this (which i don't think you are... or ever), i'm really sorry that you had to read all these. but really, you told me yourself that you wanted us to still be friends... why am i not being treated as how ya treating to your current ones? i'm being driven to the point where i really don't know who you are anymore. despite all these, i'm foolish enough to still feel for you. i might just wish that i get into a serious accident and lose all my memory and start my life afresh... my life is already so troubled... of all ppl in the world, you had to be part of it.

she's not the only one ya know. Wenn too... just recently when i messaged her whether she would be free on monday, no reply. next day tried again, no reply. just yesterday she sent me a message on friendster saying that she in no mood to meet anyone as she just got her tooth extracted and now getting used to her dentures and that she can't speak properly. 2 weeks ago she told me, just tell her when i'm free and call her up. now this. is this pure bad luck? i'm just waiting for the 3rd attempt before i consider jumping off the window of my room. that 3rd attempt might just be tonight, as i and a bunch of my shift guys are going to chinablack tonight to crash at some nus party there. if all goes well, i'll be having a good time. if there are any, ANY last minute changes.... *silence*

last night did some prowling, but gave up total at around 3am. right now i'm freaking fucking tired... and pissed. My so-called friends... prrft

%#&*#%!!!....

When one really has nothing else better to do, he buys a $10 R/C car and plays it in the barracks. Get a couple more and we can have a mini Barrack GP! 

Last night performed the most by-right duty prowling, and i can remember right, it's my first. Full prowling, from one hanger to the next, updating of books and stuff.... it's pure fucking shagness. even taking a can of Red Bull didn't help much... but the most PISSED of thing was.... no night baiting at all. Master didn't came out at all. And we all did the by-right prowling.... for FUCK!!!! $%#&*!@$!!!!! knnbccb!!! *bangs walls, table, head*
The first round was alright, then came the 2nd... by 3rd i was already giving up. at around 4am it was evident that no way he's gonna show up to even spy or whatever... i was ready to throw the towel at myself when our loop IC finally gave us the stand down sigh. Thank god we were saved from prowling for another 2 rounds, motherf$^&!!!... My legs were aching and my mind was like literally half shut down while walking, to a point where i didn't even know where i was going and Noby had to actually lead the way. Noby was probably maxed out too, everytime when i stopped to rest he would sit immediately... when i entered the weathershed he immediately went bam onto the floor. prowling, alone, in the dark, with my dog who is probably more timid than i am, for 6 hours... no no just 4 hours.... sick man.
Oh and becos he didn't came out last night, there may be a chance that he'll come out tonight.

"F U C K "

i just woke up from a 4 hour afternoon sleep, hope somehow it helps. :(

Just realized too that in this world, there are really some sick lonely ppl out there. take this gonna-ord-soon camp mate of mine. we were heading to Jurong Point together and he was like telling me his dream, about him being a baby sitter and he was pissed... basically in the end he unknowningly killed the baby and inside his wierd dream, the parents of that baby were alright with it blah blah.... then he goes on coming out with this what thingy about horror figure of a ghost of somesort in a baby's body but headless, who goes around killing ppl and taking over their heads... and he would mimick the way they would look like bleh bleh eee... i was just playing along, laughing at he consider as jokes and shit.... throughout the whole bus journey was like praying that the journey ends soon, journey end soon... and before i knew it, he left without saying bye.

Eeks, he must be very lonely at home... even i don't resort to such mindset, eww.

oh look at the time, it's dinner and soon i'm gonna f u c k i n ' do another by right prowling... i tell ya if we were supposed to do all these from the start, i wouldn't last more than week and wouldn't be in dog platoon right now. i pray right at this moment, that that black motherf%^!&! doesn't come out tonight or i'm gonna.. gonna... go home and cry sigh....

s i g h

Just this morning we caught a big big lizard just before we left Dog Platoon. Quite big really, about 80cm in length (excluding its 50cm tail). 


Say "CHEESE!!" Up close and personal, whoa! 

It was interesting the way we caught that lizard. the guys were about the load the rubbish onto the truck when they saw it in the rubbish point and didn't know what to do. me and another guy came along, that guy removed all the rubbish to outside and that lizard ran out. we chased it, along the way picked up a wooden plank and whacked its head BAM! he's ours! While our hero pinned his head down, i pinned his wildly whipping tail with my rifle while we wait for someone to get some string. Apparently there's none available, so our big size hero, Hong Lin is his name, grabbed the lizard by it's neck and tail, picked him up and trhew him into a cage. So fun!
Yesterday i didn't managed to blog cos i had overslept, i had woke up at about 4 plus to shit.. cos in my dream i was constantly having this urge to shit, to a point where when i was woken up by the real urge itself. after that i went back to sleep... only to be woken up at 8 by my mum. I panicked man, asked my mum to packed dinner for me while i rushed to change and head back to camp for that bloody extra duty. Today i'm supposed to be having my off, ya know sigh... but at duty area it was goood... quiet and peaceful. good sleep! cept that Noby's twitching leg bugged me a little at times. I thought i could have an early dismount this morning cos we're (yeah we the guys serving the extra for the dog thing SIGH) having off... well the black guy simply just doesn't like us and kept us till normal dismount time. Half of our off day, gone just like that.
Ya know on sunday, after coming back from duty and done washing kennels and grooming of dogs, my shift guys had to have a go at driving. i don't know who started it, but one by one came to the driver's seat to have a taste of driving. who else to sit by their sit in case they head towards a lamp post but me, but hey, i can teach a driver dummy from zero to moving off and changing gears in just 5 minutes man. Am i pro or what??? :D We could've been able to go down earlier if it weren;t for them going for the free driving excursion unwillingly provided by me. anyway, after we left camp, i dropped off halfway enroute to Jurong Point where i normally take whatever public transport home, cos last night i actually drove the Caddy all the way from home to boon lay, yeah man. initially i had intended to park at the multi-storey carpark near JP, then while scouting for a better place i found a landed property area where i can park overnight for FREE, hehe. yep, drove to work and back.
mmm, it's late now. gotta have me dinner then SIGH, head back to camp... tomorrow i'm staying in camp before duty cos our black Master is coming out to do night baiting, gonna need all the rest i can get to last thru the night... hope i don't screw up... cos if i do, the following months when become IC for my shift are gonna be hell for me.... SIGH SIGH SIGH...

%&^*#%!!!

Yester didn't came home... cos well... ok i was suppose to have duty last evening, but they changed my duty to standy cos yesterday morning i had to bring Antis to Mt Pleasant again, to re-bandage his leg. it was thought that the whole leg was to be re-casted again, cos Antis itchy mouth had to bite not only the cast, but the invisible collar as well. then also, another dog Ceasar had some bad lump burst, looked more like an open wound... was supposed to be sent to Mt Pleasant too... last minute cancelled, dunno why. the last time when they sent Antis to cast his leg took the entire afternoon, only able to bring him back at about 6 plus.... but this time it was only a re-bandage, cast remains there... so came back to camp like around noon. by the time i came back to barrack i was already tired as hell and sleepy, so slept at around 8 all the way till next morning. sucks man, if i were to have duty i would've be able to go home earlier... anyway not in the mood to write much, very grumpy after having just woken up...

Hot hot hot... day!

Sigh last night felt a little sick before sleeping... i think it was all the fried stuff i took the past few days that caused this, but i can't stop! Good food, cannot stop, resistance is futile. this morning i simply didn't felt likr running, so i didn't run. it's a damn good thing that i didn't run cos later in the morning, i had to send a dog to SAFPU for a check-up. One of our AES dog was acting strange, rufused to budge while on duty, acting so lethargic and putting that limping left paw. Cos at SAFPU the vet there couldn't find what's wrong with the dog, so they refer him to the animal clinic... in Jalan Kayu. WTF man, i was only prepared for this trip to SAFPU and back to camp, now i had to drive all the way to Jalan Kayu too. The best thing is, i forgot to bring my wallet! even better, the guys accompanying me didnt bring their's too! fantastic....
So that was my morning, skipped kennel washing and grooming, wee!
today i had actually planned to meet up with someone for dinner, but she well, had other plans, sooo i... came home. had a haircut along the way. i like! after this i'm gonna take a shower and head back out, most probably to meet up with my camp guys at jurong point and buy some food, everyone's staying in... well had too...

wait, i still feel a little sick, sigh

the uncertain future of mine

Wow, what a great sunset going on now. Too bad my phone can't take a good picture of it. :(

It's my 2nd duty dismount, every single one of us booked out and left camp together, so cool. most o the guys were heading to the West Coast Recreational Centre for some billard games, i tagged along too. Haven't played those in months man. we left that place at about 3... by then i was like wah almost falling asleep already, so bloody tired. last night i only get to sleep at about 2am, cos i was chit chating with my loop buddy, a reservist.. well actually he was doing most of the talking and i was just listening. he was telling about what to do after i ord, telling me what's actually happening in the real world outside... basically just giving me some ideas and thoughts from his point of view. It has came to my attention that, my dream job to be in the racing industry is actually a difficult and rather odd career to go with. The sad thing about living here in Singapore is that, most of the ppl here are holding jobs mainly for the sake of earning the minimum wage to survive in this country; whatever you do here requires the use of money. Hardly anyone here is actualy holding a job that is of great personal interest. Job requirements and qualifications and rising rapidly, so much that the once suficient diploma, can now only give you a slightly higher chance of getting hired and that's all. The ppl here are so hyped about getting degrees and all sorts of papers, from local schools to even far far overseas, but for what? I guess nothing beats having some hands on skills, cos only that ganrantees you a better chance of getting a job. I've also started to wonder about going overseas to work instead, if i were to really persue my interest. Car tuning in Singapore ain't that prospective, the traffic police and what LTA always enforcing bloody strict rules on our roads. Read in the news that there may be plans to have a road circuit here, hope it materializes. I really can't imagine myself doing any other job then what i intend to do.... maybe the next best thing i can go for is learning to service car engines and repairs. The ppl here are so always caught up with work and other stuff, no time to maintain their vehicles. Keep it up ppl, when your car breaks down you'll come crying for us to repair them for you. >;D

well guess that's enough for today, got some newbies added to our dog platoon, time to show some rank power! weee....
"scrub, you motherfuckers, SCRUB!! muahahaha..."

I had a dream...

Last night while peacefully sleeping, i had a dream just before i woke up. Well, actually, i woke up at about 4plus cos i was cold... seeing that i still can catch some sleep, i went back to it.... and that's when i had a dream with laura in it. as usual i can't recall the begining, but i remember vivid moments of going around searching for someone, then i found that person and told him that something was going on with laura.... ah yes she's already attached to someone but i think she was like seeing someone else behind his back. the following made no sense but this was what i saw in my dream, we found her talking to that someone in my house, inside my fridge. /:oS then her guy found out then went over to her and she started to cry and stuff... then i felt the need to talk to her, as a fren or something. then i suggested that we all go outside to settle it... they were already outside while i was wearing my shoes.... after that i went back into the house to take something, when i was about to leave, some old maid from nowhere told me that the guy and her already left for the hawker centre to eat....

that's when my phone alarm went off.

when i woke up, i had this afraid feeling.... that feeling of afraid of losing her. i really cannot explain this, it just happened like that. then for the next few momoents i felt quite disturbed by the dream... having such a feeling. it wasn't long before i was able to brush that feeling aside... although i know that we have to move on, i think that somewhere deep inside me is still clinging on to her... that dream of mine says it very well. actually heh, yah i admit i still do have her in my mind almost everyday... with my kind of lonesome life, who and what else can you think of? sigh...

today we managed to leave dog platoon early despite having to wash both side of the kennel, the other shift was attending some CO's parade... but in the end we only left the camp at about 11 (which is the normal time) due to some.... let's just say the reservists were giving us some insightful and useful knowledge regarding leading of the shift guys. our current IC has been using a rather softer approach to lead the guys, to me i feel it's a bit ineffective. next in line to take over, most likely to be me... once again, let's see what i can do.

after having that dream this morning... it reminded me of my sad life now.... yeah, wish i could have someone there for me, just like the good old days....

"No Tune, No Life"

I saw that on a shirt when i was walking past the pasar malam at clementi this afternoon, think i might wanna get that shirt :p

Last night at camp was funny, actually my pay came on sunday morning... dammit could've used some to top up the Caddy's tank. Since i had to go back to camp to stay in, so as some other guys too... i thought of getting the guys to buy some food... with me chipping in as well. it was a good, late night supper... till 12 to be exact, then while we were about to sleep, lights all out and everyone in bed... kenneth got up, went to bigfoot's bed with his pillow and started whacking at him. soon a screaming fest ensued, both mimicking the sound of that of a comical rape. i and some other guys laughed like mad from just the noise made by those 2 goons. then there was some bed climbing involved, scaring of ppl (including me), mid-bed pillow fighting... they even took it out in the corrider outside. soon all slowed down to just some verbal abuse.... then ppl started to snore. by then it was already 1 am, and we all had to wake up at 6 to run. Must have been the spring chicken that they ate.

tonight i'm doing the duty area that i haven't been doing for a long long time.... finally! i get to have some peaceful on the job sleep. hmm... anyway gonna head out early, visit the bazaar at clementi before heading back to camp.... yummy oily fod here i come...

A Sunday Log

Yep, that's the VW Caddy i've been talking about. Just now drove to a multi-storey carpark in Holland Road to wash the car.... well that was the only place i could think of where there's this coin-operated water tap. Anyway the car needed a wash, the car was literally covered with dirt. 

I had a crappy sleep during last night's duty, the sky threatened to rain but didn't, the shelter at my area was c-r-a-p... but hey, in the end managed to get out of camp at 9.30am wee. Ooh before we went down from dog platoon, i did a burnout with the 1.5 tonner, had actually intend to take a vid using my fren's phone but we didn't have time... but still it was fun! there wasn't much of a smoke out as anticipated, just some black, rubber burning smoke (*cough bleah*). When i have the chance again i'll do another one, and it will be recorded :p

Some thoughts went thru my mind the past few days, mostly regarding me taking over as Shift IC. Sigh, i know to those 2 black fat bastards i'm a good guy, capable and trouble-free (until recently)... why the hell must i be appointed to be as Shift IC? Firstly, characterwise i'm not a vocal person, as my fren Shawn said in camp. Hell i don't even talk much these days, ever since the break-up with Laura last year. I haven't been talking much to anyone, let alone meet anyone outside. And these days i've found myself difficulty in even keeping up with conversations with ppl. My mind is full of things, but my mouth just can't keep up... or worse can't even bring it out. As of now, i feel most comfortable talking to just myself, like what i'm doing now. It's like i'm already used to being alone and left alone, when it comes to talking to someone, i just can't think of what to say. I know myself that i usually let the other party start the conversation and i'll usual carry on from there... i just can't start from the begining. And now it worries me. I'm probably meeting a couple of long-time-no-see friends soon, maybe including Laura and Dick... and this worries me. This, i can feel, is where i screw up. How am I gonna overcome this... i don't really know. The camp guys already see me as the quiet one.... i have no idea what will come to their minds when they see me as Shift IC. Bo-chap? Tao? Coward? Sigh... But this shift ic thing is still a little uncertain, there ain't gonna be any newbies coming in till late april, which is not good... and some of the guys are leaving in march, april... if i DO get to become IC, it'll only last for about the most, about 2 months... maybe from the period of late feb to late april... I hate taking responsibilties, especially this... the system of juniors screwing up and the seniors get punished sucks. I may not have much of a choice but to follow the trend, but maybe i'll incorperate some practices from the old old senior times.
Moneywise, still unable to find any work that i can moonlight. I'm slowly begining to wonder, is persuing my dream to be in the car tuning world... a good one? in this place i live in, even ppl with papers are finding difficulty in getting a decently paid job, can't say much for what i'm intending to become. again, i don't know where to start, all the time i told myself and other ppl that i'm taking up trainingship in ITE on car work... but the uncertainty is always there. I don't have a plan B if i don't make it.... at the same time i don't want to see myself working in a totally different enviroment other then my dream future. Sigh SIgh Sigh....

Nvm all these for the time being, pay day is near! finally, maybe i can afford to meet up with ppl again. $$$$$....

Home sweet zzzz.....

Oh gosh, feels soooo good to be back home again! This month's NCO duty... or what it is now called Duty Platoon Trainer (bleah), was again rather dull but no problems. it was only when the morning comes something had to happened in my shift and i had to leave my post to do some driving... this has been the third time if i'm right. then again, yesterday morning we got to go down early cos the privates were getting their LCP ranks, the morning "chores" all not done yay. Nothing spectacular happened during the past 2 days, only just learnt how to watch some local chinese drama and strangely enough it kept me wanting to watch some more. what has become of me man!
today is supposedly my long weekend, do i have my long weekend? nooooo... i had to serve my extra, tonight being the first of the 7, sigh. i came home today feeling, as usual, so fucking tired... and i had to wake up right just now which was way too early... to eat, blog, get red-dy... was thinking of taking the Caddy to Jurong Point then bus to camp, but i can't of any place to park fer free... darn.
Oh oh, last night laura called me while i was sleeping... normally i would just tell off anyone but upon hearing her voice, i was unknowingly and immediately subjected to her... so i just her it was alright for me... and i actually insisted to stay on. :S anyway, she wanted to .... nah think will just leave this to only between me and her... i was glad that she called and i was happy too... although after the call i couldn't go back to sleep for at least an hour....
Hope tonight it rains throughout the night till dawn, then yay wait for another day before pay day! wee wee wee..... la la la....

Gonna do NCO tomorrow, so won't be home for the next 2 days... ah nothing much to wirte today anyway....

Tired.... tired... tired.... and tired...

man, just woke up from a long 4 hour sleep in the afternoon... and i'm still wanting more of it. or need it actually... yes i am that tired, the combination of lack of sleep from 2 days straight taking a big toll. yesterday i nearly fell asleep while doing normal stuff, today i immediately knocked out upon reaching back from pullback from duty area. the night before was fuckin' cold, lousy weather, lousy weathershed. the sky was orange all the while, but you couldn't tell whether i was gonna rain immediately or not. it did... at about 4 in the morning. i didn't catch sleep at all throughout that night, was not comfy with the weather and that creepy weathershed...
to make things worse, just when we were about to dismount and what we usually call it 'fuck off' from there, the black one had to do some briefing for us. a lengthy one, nearly half hour to be more exact. he was bringing out how he was unhappy, how me supposedly knew everything before hand (yeah right, motherfucker), some history, what he planned to do, the reason behind all these.... yadayada blah blah bang bang... almost throughout the speech i was practically half-asleep and trying to not fall down and collapse and snore immediately. today, the almost same thing happened, but this morning he was fuming about the other shift guys being caught for gambling in the barrack. Yes, it's Extras season time, extra duties being given out like free money. Boy he must be getting quite high from telling ppl,"I give you xx extra duties. (shows the no. figure)" SO... things are even now, both shifts with guys doing extras, wee.
dun wanna mention about my duty last night, nothing much to say actually just that there's a lot of activity going around and prevented me from zzz... back home i almost immediately concussed after taking the shower, uninterrrupted sleep till now.
looking again at this month's duty roster, i think i'm gonna be quite shacked out man. packed full with duties all the way, with extras squeezed in between. just 6 more months to ORD, guess it's time to run through the gauntlet on the final stretch here.
It's dinna time baby, i'm outta here.

Tired out...

Omg, i'm still feeling so extremely tired from last night's duty... by morning my body was literally struggling to keep awake! i'm not in the mood to write about it for now... actually i'm running a little late already. sigh... guess i write about it tomorrow.... *yawn* :\

Wet wet sunday

i woke up this morning, i felt cold. it was around 9:30am... i knew it was raining outside. oh well ok... no big deal. as usual,from bed, to toilet, to computer. made some instant noodles for breakfast... yeah today felt like any other. then mum came out from her room, she was intending to go buy some groceries herself, but when she saw me... "eh, can you drive to IMM?"

:o)

When we left the house, it was still raining out there... pouring this time. by now i kinda gotten used to the unsually stiff clutch petal, driving to there was a breeze. it's sad that we had to sell the car off, can't handle the $600+ monthly installments plus other shit no more. my mum did suggest though, if me and my brother come up with a few hundred each month, we might be able to keep the car. now that got me thinking seriously, i said this to myself before in the past that i'm gonna start finding a job at the start of the new year... yes i'll start... tomorrow or when i'm free. It was rather empty when we got to IMM, half of the open space parking lot was empty, the cover multi-storey one probably full. i haven't really tried to reverse park to the my left (not easy with the van), i decided to park outside. then the shopping begins....
.... yes, finally get to buy my daily essentials, free! anyway had lunch there... mum then thought of visiting my eldest bro's house. inside me i was going, "ive got duty tonight man..." halfway thru she decided not to. (phew) still raining while the way back home... then the car developed some trouble. it felt as if it was misfiring, while on idle and while driving. maybe it's the petrol, it's rather low. engine oil? healthy level when checked the last time. one of the spark plugs not working? that results in power loss.... didn't really have that. anyway i didn't have the time to check out the problem, i needed to get home and sleep for tonight's duty.
just woke up about half hour ago.... it's STILL raining out there, well now it's a drizzle. hope it can last for another 6 hours... oh shit it's getting really small now. darn... well hope it rains AGAIN tonight. mmm... i really enjoy driving. whenever i drive, i don't do anything else like talk to ppl or do something else. it's like i'm putting my concentration on the road and around, but i'm feeling relaxed. it all feels so natural for me, nothing comes to my mind, sad or happy.... nope, none at all. think i mentioned this before... judging from my last 3 days of driving, i noticed myself going thru the same thing. pure bliss from the drive, peace from the troubled world around me. plus the music from Lush 99.5fm made things even better! now that i've got the taste of driving out in the open roads, it gives me the drive to desire for more. earn more $$$$ somehow and stuff... $$$ has always been the root for almost all of my problems, think i'll settle that part first.

Keep raining, keep raining, keep raining, keep raining... (praying)

First day of the New Year.... boooo~

Blah. yes, that's the first thing that came to my right just now. well that was interesting... ok let's start

Last night i was just mm...on the computer, then my mum wanted to go to clementi to buy some stuff. so i went with her. it was pouring outside... and the i parked the car in the lot... :D. yeah you guess it, i suggested to my mum that i drive us to there. she was like :S, asking me this and that.... yes yes i know you guys have been telling me not to drive w/o a vaild licence, but let me tell you guys, when it comes driving, i know i'm damn good at it. besides, it's not like.... ah no point explaining all these. anyway, my mum gave me one of the greatest gift i can ever have, her trust in me... that i can drive safely. and i did! e-f-f-o-r-t-l-e-s-s-l-y man, to and back home. hmm to think i've always imagined of having a special someone to be my first passenger.... that's my mum! hahaha...
Anyway back home, i went in to the new year while still on the computer, playing mah fav. online game. yeah, it was really sad that no one called me up to go celebrate or something, but at least there were some ppl who smsed me happy new year and stuff. i went on to stay up till about 2 i think before i went to bed....
The next day started well.... just like any normal day. went online play blah blah blah, then in the afternoon took a nap. Around evening time i decided to go out and walk around the town, had to erm, beg from my mum for some $ :(, then went to top up some gas for the car. i had to, it was running really really low and i don't wanna get stuck in the middle of road while driving it. after fillin' up, i drove around for a while... all the way to tanglin mall. i was intending to go all the way to orchard, then i realised that it's a public holiday, definately there's gonna be a jam and NO parking space... so drove all the way back home and left it there. it's been a while since i went to town the last time... so many ppl, decos on the street couples brr what am i thinking... at hotels security was tight, saw some uniformed guys with dogs walking around. show of force i believe, they cant possible let a guard dog loose to chase an intruder in the midst of a crowd? anyway went walking around till about 9 before heading home.
back here, heard from many ppl that the new year celebration wasn't really happening, thanks to the tsumami thingy last sunday. was thinking to myself, maybe was better to stay at home this year :p.
whoa, it's 3.33am now... just now talked to laura online, no interruptions finally :) before talking to her i did have random thoughts about, but after having that casual conversation with her, i just felt better already. in her blog before she went to celebrate the new year, she mentioned about us, how hard it was to leave and how much i meant to her those 3 1/3 years. what touched me the most was she wrote that.... she had never regretted a day being with me.
Me too Laura, me too.